The last day of the year 2014~
I always get sentimental on New Year's Eve.  All the memories of the past year zoom by like a movie on fast-forward!  How could time fly so fast?  And did I really LIVE those days to their fullest?
The year began with questions for us:  would my Dad regain some health and be moved into Wascana Rehab Centre?  What plans should we cancel and what plans should we postpone until we know what is happening with Dad?  How do we prepare for the next months, year?
We prayed for God to clearly guide us.  And then we went ahead with some of our commitments.  Walter taught a module class in Millar College of the Bible in January.  We booked a two-week trip to the Dominican Republic in the middle of the month.  On our return, it was evident Dad was in his last days, almost like he did hold on until we were back from our trip.  The very next day, he passed away.  We called our children to inform them of Grandpa's passing.  And then we drove to Shaunavon, Saskatchewan, to deliver the news to our son, Daniel, who was curling in the Provincial Men's Tankard.
I know I am writing this in almost newspaper fashion, but I am feeling the lump in my throat, the emotion of those moments. I am also reliving the grace and peace that the Lord gave us, gave me, to live through those terrible yet inevitable experiences!  God was there, a very present help in our time of need.
We moved on through making plans for Dad's memorial to be in April.  Again, the Lord sustained us and enabled us to carry on with our daily realities.  We traveled and booked visits with our Healing Hearts Staff.  We fulfilled our roles and tasks within ministry and somehow we found strength and joy returning.  God was faithful.
God gave me the ability to see the good, to appreciate the love and support of family and our faith community.  I accepted the role of receiver - not the giver - of comfort and condolences.  I learned to feel the grief and realize I don't do sadness very well!
On June 1, we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary by renewing our vows in church that Sunday then having 50+ in our house for a rained out barbecue.  I felt beautiful and blessed as Walter's bride again!  We were showered with cards, gifts and congratulations.  It was such a highlight of the year!  All our children and new daughter-in-law stood with us at our vow ceremony and we long for them to know even more abundance in their lives and marriages.
The summer was spent at our cabin and at two weeks of Bible camp.  We hoped to pace ourselves in order to begin the fall season of ministry with vigor.  Again, we experienced the grace of God to say "No" to some opportunities and "Yes" to others.  Then we celebrated another milestone in our lives: the 20th anniversary of Healing Hearts Ministry in September.  So many significant and emotionally-charged events this past year truly gave us reason to reflect and give thanks to the Lord for all His goodness to us.
The fall was very busy and we saw our schedule almost overlap at times!  Do we need a booking agent?  We just need to coordinate our calendar a little better.  We are still learning...
And now we are after the Christmas season and on the edge of the brand new year ahead.  Where is God's Spirit leading us in 2015?
I praise God for the physical energy and spiritual fortitude He gave us.  When I wondered how we'd make it through, I was never too surprised at my Father's loving care.  He has never failed.
Thank you, friends who read this blog, for your friendship.  I hope this little recap of 2014 in my life can bring hope and spur you on to love and good deeds in Christ for the coming year.
Hebrews 12:2a "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus..."
Psalm 123:1 "I lift up my eyes to You, to You whose throne is in heaven."
Keep looking up; soon He will come into view to take us home! Maybe even this year...

"O Come let us adore Him...Christ the Lord!"
Is it difficult to set aside time to adore Jesus during the holiday season?
We talk about it.
We hear sermons on it.
We sing about it.
Today, this week, let us adore Him.  He is worthy.  He is above all else.  He is supreme.
When I took some quiet time today after several days of people and church and cooking, it felt so refreshing, like a cool glass of pure water!  I simply played my guitar and sang songs that came to mind. I wrote some reflections in my journal.  I meditated on Scripture in Philippians 4:8 and Psalms. God restored my soul by His Spirit as I set my eyes on Jesus Christ.
The Christmas carol above is an invitation to worship.
He is waiting, not demanding, but ever so quietly and patiently waiting for our minds to settle down and our hearts to reach out to Him.  I picture Jesus sitting at the right hand of the Father with a smile on His face.  He is not rushed.  He is eternal.
As I felt His peace and let Him touch my heart, I felt renewed.
I can go on after pouring into my family and the events of Christmas.  I feel filled up once again.
"O Come all ye faithful..."
Let us be faithful in regular and frequent worship!

TRADITION!
Our tradition the past few years is to gather in the dining room Walter built on our home five or six years ago.  We push back the oak table and set the chairs in a circle.  Then Walter chooses someone to read Luke 2, the account of the birth of Jesus.  Another is selected to pray.  And finally one or two of the younger children distributes the gifts from under the tree to the appropriate recipients.
Luke chapter 2 is the passage read in the Christmas Pageant of the familiar "Charlie Brown's Christmas" and where I probably first heard the Gospel as a child.
This year, I decided to read the Matthew account of Jesus' birth.  It is much shorter. So I read smaller portions and savoured the story.
Today is Boxing Day, so again, traditionally I read the account in Luke where after Jesus was born, Joseph and Mary took Him to the temple and gave the prescribed offerings for their firstborn.  At the temple, they encountered two faithful saints who blessed and confirmed their special Son as sent from God.
Instead, I was reading the verses in Matthew where John the Baptist was preaching and baptizing at the Jordan River.  Jesus was already a man and about to launch into public ministry.  He came to John at the river and asked to be baptized.  Baptized?
The radical prophet recognized Jesus and immediately protested Jesus' request.  Humbly, John says,
I am not worthy!  I should be baptized by You!"  But, Jesus, in perfect fulfillment of all God's will, submits to the protocol of repentance and baptism.  And God does something so unexpected and unprecedented!
As Jesus submits to the waters of the Jordan, and validates John's ministry of preparing the way for the Messiah, it is like John passes the baton of ministry to Jesus the Christ.  The heavens open.  (In another Gospel account, the wording is "the heavens were torn open.")  The Almighty Himself speaks from His throne, announcing His Son!  Before Jesus even preached His first sermon, healed His first blind man or called His first disciple, God was affirming His Chosen One.
I can hardly grasp the import of God's words.  He is well pleased with His Son.  He loves Him.  He blesses His Son with a heavenly pronouncement as He is about to move into the next three years of travel, homelessness, spiritual warfare and intense impact on the Twelve.  God knew that in His Son's humanity, Jesus would need these life-giving words to sustain Him.
How much more do WE need to hear, believe and absorb God's affirmation for us?
In Christ, we are adopted into His family.  I am the daughter of the Most High.  In Christ, I am already accepted.  I do not have to prove my place or position by performance.  In Christ, I have a ministry.  I am chosen to have relationships, gifts and tasks to build the kingdom with Him.
Just as the Holy Spirit came upon Jesus like a dove, we also have the filling of that same Spirit for our lives, our journey of healing, our ministry, our trials.  Jesus was the example and we can follow Him without fear.  He has already gone this way before...
It might not seem like a very Christmas-y message but this IS what Jesus came to earth through the manger in Bethlehem to do:  set apart and send us out just as He went forth with God's approval to share the "Good News of great joy."
HAPPY BOXING DAY!

The eaves are dripping and the blue sky gives the appearance of spring...
but it is December 21 and we just came home from our 20th Christmas program at Healing Hearts!
The very first program and Christmas dinner we held with our new ministry was held at the Albert Scott Community Centre.  We had a good turnout of folks, some young families and guests came and I believe there were about 50 people in total.  I don't remember the songs we sang or what Walter preached.  I had a very small repertoire of music I could play on my guitar back then-mainly in

the key of D!  Most certainly Walter gave a rousing message from Luke 2 on the Christmas story and a Gospel presentation for the audience who was likely about half young believers and half non-church goers.
What sticks out in my memory is that about half hour before we planned to have our meal, as our service was nearly over, strangers began carrying in aluminum pans and various boxes into the community centre's kitchen.  They looked as confused as we were, as we had turkey and pots of potatoes on the stove.
Unfortunately, we had not booked the centre for longer than our usual Sunday time slot.  And the community centre coordinator didn't inform us of another rental group to follow us.  So, we had to close our service and haul the food down the block to our house.  What else could we do?  All kinds of people walked carrying pots, roasters and all the paper plates and cups up the street to 1372 Montague Street. We set up a line in our dining room and had a coffee pot perking away in the kitchen.  My Dad and stepmom were leaning against the counters in the kitchen, completely blown away that we would have all these people in our home.  Some were street people and definitely low income/welfare recipients.  But they were all grateful, polite and helpful as we made do for our first ever Christmas dinner!
People were in every corner on the main floor and in the basement, including sitting on the stairs holding their plates in their laps!  We had plenty of food and in the end my house was cleaner than when we started.  We have some pictures to prove it in an old photo album somewhere...
Today, we had two guitarists, a bass player, keyboard player (my daughter) and drummer, plus three vocalists.  We had carols projected on the wall, a wooden nativity scene and special lighting for the holiday atmosphere.  About 100 or more came to the program and turkey dinner in our very own building, over half paid for through the congregation itself.
Several little Sunday School children played the parts in the Christmas play with my son, Daniel, being the Narrator.  Vivian, also at the first Christmas dinner, was in charge of the meal today and had things running very smoothly in the kitchen.  With many families and individuals participating and contributing, Walter and I were able to sit and enjoy the service.  I sang and played a special number (with Caylea on keyboard) and another staff daughter, Kezziah, played "Silent Night" on the xylophone.
Sometimes, it is good to remember the humble beginnings of our ministry so that the Lord is glorified in the amazing program we enjoyed today.  Thank You, Lord Jesus, for this occasion of Your birth, that we may celebrate our salvation.  In twenty years, You have been our Joy each Christmas!

I'm not sure what I become more excited about:  Christmas itself or the arrival of my kids for the holidays!
Caylea comes home this afternoon, and I find myself thinking about what she'd like for supper and if she'll want to get the Christmas Tree right away.  I made sure her presents are wrapped and labeled so she can shake and poke at them when she gets home.
This year will be the first that our oldest, Mark, will not be home for Christmas Day.  It is only fair that he and Amy spend Christmas with her family and we totally understand what it is like to alternate and split the time with various sides of our families!  But we have wonderful plans for fun activities when they come home-going to "The Hobbit" for the third holiday in a row and viewing "Corner Gas" on DVD.  And hopefully opportunity to throw rocks on the curling ice!
Daniel lives at home, so we are blessed with his presence on a regular basis.  But we are thankful that we can enjoy him and be part of his life and journey and I can't imagine what it would be like for Daniel to be away from home...I'm sure that day is coming soon!
So today, I have a list of cleaning chores to be done and boxes of ornaments to be brought up from the crawl space.  Maybe some more baking.
Each day brings us a little closer to that big celebration and the anticipation is building.  As I make preparations for our family to gather in our home, Lord, prepare my heart for YOU!  May my mind be set on things above and my heart be full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Bless my home and my heart with the garlands of Your grace.
And watch over our kids as they travel home...

This morning I am worship leading for the third Sunday of Advent.  "Joy" is the theme as we light the candle and contemplate the coming of Jesus our Saviour 2,000 years ago.  A reading will be prepared for us to share, but I wanted to take some time to do my own contemplating on joy and what it means to me at Christmas.
In light of the historical context of Israel and the little nation known as Judea, life was not abounding in happiness and prosperity for God's people.  Oppression by Rome, economic depression, fear, evil pervaded the area with darkness.  Although perhaps pockets of joy and celebration would be experienced in Jewish communities and homes, each likely sensed an overall sense of gloom.  The people of God were not so "chosen" anymore.  They must have felt forgotten and afflicted.  Hopeless.
Into this scene arrives an angel in a shepherds' field.
"An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them and they were terrified."  (Luke 2:9)
Could this startling unearthly visitation be a good thing?  Was it a divine judgment?
"But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people." (verse 10)
How those shepherds must have needed some good news!  They were likely some of the most oppressed, poverty-stricken and forgotten in society. Who cared about them and their lot in life?
"Today in the city of David a Saviour has been born to you; He is Christ the Lord."  (verse 11)
It seems strange that God's celestial servant would be communicating the most profound theological and prophetic pronouncement ever to nameless shepherds.  How could this impact the world if only sheep-herders knew about the Messiah's arrival?
But the seeds of joy were planted in their hearts and they were stirred to go to Bethlehem and "see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about." (verse 15b)  They hurried off and did find the stable with the baby lying in a manger.  It was true!
"When they had seen Him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child...The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God..."  (verses 17 & 20a)
This does not sound like the behaviour of depressed and dejected shepherds; this is the work of excitement, enthusiasm, hope, JOY!  This good news was to be spread!  And I'm sure as they returned to their fields, they weren't quiet in their "glorifying and praising" either!
Can we totally relate to this story?  Are we afflicted with darkness and depression?  Even as believers in Jesus Christ, knowing the story and having received His gift of eternal life, we can lose sight of the simple truth:  Jesus came to save sinners and to deliver us from the evil one.  He has come and defeated death and hell.  For those who are bowing under the weight of sin and discouragement, we may have forgotten that God has already made a way for us to be free!
We can't really know the freedom and release until we have experienced the afflictions.  I've been learning some about this as I've been reading "Streams in the Desert"  to recognize God's work through difficulties and trials.  We truly see the light only when we've know the darkness personally.
But how sweet is that JOY when we receive the wonderful good news of the angel and the shepherds: A Saviour has been born to us; He is Christ the Lord.
"...then you will find your joy in the Lord."  (Isaiah 58:14)
  

"ARE YOU ALL READY FOR CHRISTMAS?"
I know it is a common conversation starter but I really don't want to hear this again!!!
Well, it really shouldn't bother me.  It could be a spiritual conversation starter if I used the opportunity the right way.
What if the next time I am asked that question, I answer with:
"Yes, I am.  I have put my faith in Jesus Christ as Saviour and trusted my whole life to Him.  So I am ready to worship Him and celebrate His first appearance on the earth.  By the way, did you know He's coming again?  We need to be ready for His 2nd coming..."
This weekend is my "Christmas Blitz" while Walter and our son Daniel are gone to an NFL game in Kansas City.  I am going to get ready for the big event without any interruptions or cleaning/meal preparation to delay my progress.  I am quite looking forward to some "me time", too, just to relax and set my own pace.  And get my "festive on"!
When the next person asks me that dreaded question, I won't be so testy or glib in my answer.  I will have a response that maybe can get someone thinking about their own preparations for this special and holy season.

THROW BACK FRIDAY-1997?

Yes,  the Christmas season has arrived!
How can I tell?
The local light rock FM radio station is playing all festive/all the time.
The CP Rail Holiday Train rolled past our home on the weekend.
We received our first Christmas card in the mail.
Two candles have already been lit for the Advent Sundays.
Am I ready?
Now that our ministry trips are finished for the fall, I can settle in to my Christmas preparations. First step: put away the Thanksgiving decorations!  Next, begin the big task of writing and sending cards to family and supporters of our ministry.  I've already made a shopping list on my I Phone (quite proud of myself on that!).  In essence, I have progressed with preparations and am not as behind as I thought I was!
A couple mornings ago, I realized that although signs of Christmas were all around me and I had already participated in a couple holiday parties, my heart wasn't there yet.  So I turned to Matthew chapter 1 for my quiet time and intentionally focused on the birth of Christ.  I was struck with the uniqueness of the immaculate conception once again.  NO ONE else in history can claim to have been conceived by the Holy Spirit in an unmarried woman's body.
I was also impressed again by the geneology in chapter 1 that named five women specifically.  Each one was noted because they were not Jewish or became pregnant in an unusual circumstance.  I am fascinated that the Lord Jesus, Son of God, had a less than perfect human ancestry.  If He was born purely, how could He be from such a dysfunctional background?
But this all can make sense if I believe in a sovereign and omnipotent God.  Is it difficult for Him to send His Son through a young woman's virgin womb?  Or is it difficult for Him to bring all the prophesies to fulfill the promises to Abraham, Judah, David, Nazareth, Bethlehem and yes, even Mary and Joseph?  God can weave His will through the wills of humanity and bring history and future together in perfection.
Yes, the Christmas season has arrived.  And I am making my heart ready for the wonders and unfathomable mysteries of Jesus, the Christ, Son of God and Son of man...

I am usually reading more than one thing for my devotions.  Right now, I am in Psalm 119.  I have a devotional book "Streams in the Desert" on the go but forgot it at home while we're here in Calgary.  I'm also reading Ezra as I make my way through the Old Testament.  So I know I promised some thoughts on Ezra; it seems God was speaking to me lately through the Psalms and so I'll go with it!
I enjoy the portions of this psalm as they are divided into octets, verses of 8 in a group.  Sometimes the thoughts seem random.  Sometimes they are repetitive.  But almost every verse is speaking about God's Word, His law, His decrees and His promises.
This morning, I read verses 65-72.
The two verses that had a similar theme caught my attention and seemed to be speaking to a situation we are part of at this time.  I can't share details.  But if you are reading this, the details don't really matter to you.  What God is teaching me and you on a personal level is what counts!
"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey Your Word...
"It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn Your decrees."
(Verses 67 & 71)
Afflictions.  Nobody wants to experience them but we all do.
A definition is "a state of pain, distress, or grief, misery" and some synonyms are "mishap, trouble, calamity, tribulation".
"Affliction suggests not only a serious misfortune but the emotional effect of this."
(Dictionary.com)
I get the impression these hard times are not necessarily something we bring on ourselves, but difficulties that happen to us.  Like a disease, a disaster or hardship.  But even if we are the cause of our own difficulty, maybe consequences for our own foolishness or mistakes, the effect is a physical and probably an emotional challenge that we must deal with somehow.
And that is the crux of the matter:  how we deal with the affliction.
The psalmist recognized something about himself-he had been prone to go astray (verse 67a).  In our natural selves, we do tend to go our own way, do our own thing.  Unless someone or something intervenes, we are very self-focused and do not automatically do right.  What the affliction did for the psalm-writer was to teach him to obey God's Word.  Somehow in his foolish wanderings, he realized God's ways were far better and He learned obedience.
In the second verse about affliction, the psalmist is reflecting an attitude lesson.  Do we enjoy affliction?  Do we not think it is something bad happening to us?  But in verse 71, the author is declaring "It was good for me to be afflicted..."  What?  Instead of complaining about the hard times and even blaming someone-God- we read how the affliction was beneficial for him.  How?
This psalmist was able to learn God's decrees.  The commandments made more sense in light of distressing circumstances.  God's loving and kind and merciful character comes through to us when we invite Him in to our problems and learn to trust Him as our guide.
Another attitude I pick up from this passage of Scripture is thankfulness.  To acknowledge God's goodness through a trial is the basis of being thankful.  We can express gratefulness for God allowing us to grow and learn through the life lessons of affliction.  We can praise Him for His ways being good for us and His wisdom being superior to ours.
I can't help but think of other passages that teach the same lessons.  Romans 5: 3-5
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."
We can rejoice in suffering because God is doing something productive with it:  developing our  character.  As disciples of Jesus, we won't grow unless we are forced to change.  And one of God's most effective tools for growth and change is tribulation and suffering.  If I can see a purpose in something, then I can get through it with hope for something positive resulting.  It feels like it was worth it!
The image of the Holy spirit being poured out like oil into our hearts gives me even more hope that the trial is being smoothed and cushioned by His love.  He is not a harsh Teacher.  The pain we feel in affliction, whether physical and/or emotional, is more bearable when we know He loves us and has our good in mind.
I can somehow accept this for myself and God's grace is sufficient for the struggles I am having personally.  It is quite another thing to watch someone we love going through a season of suffering and feel so helpless.  I am learning that to interfere with God's ways in another person's life can be damaging and not helpful to their growth.  In fact, it may slow down His process and they will have to go through more difficulties in order to learn what God was teaching.
2 Peter came to mind as I was meditating on this.  "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness."  What a beautiful promise when we are feeling stressed by our reality!  Peter then elaborates as to our part in participating in the divine nature, the transforming of our lives into the character of Jesus our Lord.  Verses 5 to 8  lists the qualities we can "add to your faith".  There is an element of cooperation in the sanctifying work of God that we disciples need to contribute.  We can add goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness and love.  Jesus was all of these things.  He lived them out.  Peter saw and experienced this first-hand.  Peter also experienced this character transformation personally.  He knew Jesus in the earthly relational sense; he also wanted to know Jesus more and more on a heart level that could change him from the sinful fisherman he was to the powerful preacher he became!  We can choose to develop these qualities, which are amazingly similar to the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5 as listed by Paul.  (By the way, in both Peter's letters, he is writing to believers who were being persecuted and confused by false teachers.  He is saying these truths to those suffering through affliction.)
I think I am done rambling now on this subject.
But I'm not done learning.
Lord, teach me Your decrees!

Another one year anniversary is tugging at my heart.
Today I am sitting in the family room of our good friends in Calgary, watching the 102nd Grey Cup football championship game on television.  It is -20 degrees Celsius something outside but I am settled safe and comfortable on the couch.
Twenty-five years ago Walter and I were speaking at small groups in various scattered in east Calgary.  We were newly married, sharing about the ministry in Regina ( we were already involved but still raising support and a prayer team).  The Roughriders were in the Grey Cup and won it with Kent Austin as quarterback and the famous Dave Ridgeway kick to secure that win!  We missed the game because these small groups were all scheduled for Sunday evening...
We shared this morning in the Crossroads Community Church worship service, renewing some connections and meeting a few new folks, as well. The church was preparing and hosting a community winter festival at a nearby neighbourhood hall and so we met with another couple for lunch.  Very different experience than the one we had 25 years ago, with Sunday evenings being a regular meeting time for churches, plus many elderly and missions-focused people who made a "big deal" about missionaries visiting,
Not complaining, just making the observation that times have change; church culture and home-grown missionaries is less formal and yet more relational than ever.
One year ago, Walter and I, our son Daniel and my sister, Paula, were sitting in the private hospital room.  The tiny suspended T.V. was angled so the 5 of us could view it, not an easy feat with my Dad  laying on the hospital bed.  The nurses had decked him in his Rider Jersey.  My sister and I had decorated his room with some newspaper pictures and green garlands.
We had gowns over our football gear but that didn't dampen our cheers and spirit!  The nurses kept sneaking a peak at the score and asking if Dad needed anything.  We slipped up some pop for Dad to have a sip.  It was a special occasion.  Didn't know that would be his last Grey Cup.  So the Rider victory was extra sweet that evening.
So glad for the memory.  Sad.   Thankful.  Glad the Roughriders didn't make it to this championship game - selfishly - so that I can have time to remember and heal.
I'm writing this during the half-time show.  In a year or two, I won't recall the band playing, nor the two teams facing each other tonight.  But the precious memories that matter most will not disappear.
Missing you, Dad.

Today was a Sabbath day for me.
Well, if I were a devout Jew, I would have broken the rules for what is acceptable amounts of work but a household does have to run.  Laundry, packing for our trip to Calgary tomorrow, preparing supper~some basic daily tasks.
As I am reading the book by Mark Buchanan, "The Rest of God", I am trying to picture and apply what Sabbath means for me.  A day of rest sounds lovely and idealistic.  Sundays are not good days for taking a true break as we do a lot of our ministry on Sunday.  So what does Sabbath look like for a missionary wife?  Is there even such a thing?
I am only starting chapter 5 in this insightful book, but so far, I am gleaning some helpful tips.  Rest, of course is a state of mind, not just an absence of work.  It is about sleep and physical restoration.  It is about an attitude of peace and contentment.  Thankfulness is involved in acknowledging God as God, and not thinking I have to be in charge.  So many nuggets to discover and explore.
So today was about reading on the couch between loads of laundry.  I stared out the picture window at the soft and light snowflakes in between paragraphs of the book.  I let my thoughts drift and swirl.  Then I'd take a sip of Mocha Swirl coffee with French Vanilla creamer-a decadent treat on this special afternoon.  Back to the page I was reading...
I made a couple of phone calls, just for the pleasure of it. I stared out the back window at the squirrel, chubby and still storing more food for the winter.  Our resident bunny poked his nose in the backyard for a few minutes, while the squirrel ran up the tamarack tree.
This book talked about the Sabbath-attitude of attentiveness.  Paying attention to the little things, living in the moment.  I tried to do that today and found it very sweet.  Maybe I can become a Sabbath-keeper.
The most important element I am seeing is that the Sabbath is made for us, for our good, and we were made for God.  We cannot truly rest without being attentive to God Himself.  Paying attention to His voice, to His quiet presence, to His Person and setting aside all the other voices, noises and demands of others.  Not to ignore others but to enjoy them under the banner of His love.
Even as I typed this blog, my "rest" was interrupted by my son coming home after work, the microwave and then the oven not functioning and supper becoming a rush!  I continue writing now and feel that unrushed peace, like the stillness of the afternoon has carried over in spite of the frustrations of the supper hour.  Oh, if I could learn to practice His presence every day!

I couldn’t get onto my blog account.

Walter had to do some work on his laptop computer and in turn, needed mine for some of the procedures.  I am not much of a technological person and so I do the basics and like to leave it as simple as possible.

When I tried to use my laptop once again, he had cleaned up my hard drive and subsequently some of my shortcuts were no longer on the Google Chrome home page.  Or something.  I’m not even sure of the terms I am using right now!  All I know is that my nice and easy routines are gone.

I can find Facebook again so I am reconnected to that world.  But I am lost when it comes to finding access to post a blog. I feel pretty frustrated and even angry right now.

Overload.  Emotional exhaustion.  Feeling helpless to problem solve. 

I know it is not only the technical difficulties that are exasperating me.  I have situations and  relationships that are challenging and I feel helpless to problem solve in some of those areas.  Certain circumstances - that I really have no power to change - are renting space in my head and heart.  So after a busy weekend, catching up with life at home and then running into a roadblock, I have no resources left to deal rationally.

Lord, please grant me peace and rest as I wrestle with the unsolved mysteries of my life this week!

p.s  Obviously I am back in my blog account.  My husband rescued me.  Someday I hope to have the patience – and smarts – to figure this stuff out.  Thank you, my dear!

More than just a handsome face!!!

I've been reading through 2 Chronicles the past while.  I have probably experienced every emotion available through the journey of these kings.  Sadness at the tragedies of evil leadership, frustration at the repeated patterns of foolishness and rebellion, delight at the mercy of God on those who rediscovered "The Book" and restored temple worship and sacrifices.  I can't even grasp the depths of despair at the fall of Israel, then Judah!  Captivity!  How humiliating and degrading!  The once glorious nation of Israel under the kingship of David and the even more splendid reign of his son, Solomon became split and splintered to form sawdust blown and scattered to the far reaches of Babylon.
As I turn the page of my Bible past the last chapter of Chronicles, my eyes rest on "Ezra".  Oh, good!  I can't wait to delve into a new era, a hope-filled account of restoration and revival.
This book, and Nehemiah to follow, resonates with my heart and my reality.
Healing Hearts Ministry is about that very theme:  to wade into a community that has been damaged and nearly destroyed by choices, some personal choices and some brought to bear that are beyond the community's control.  And just as all of us who serve under the Healing Hearts banner have felt and obeyed a call to our respective communities, Ezra was commissioned by the king (of Persia) and given manpower and financial provision to "do whatever seems best" with those resources.  I am beginning to see some parallels...
With just a brief overview of the first few chapters of Ezra, I come to chapter 7 and read a geneology and character reference of the man.  Then the letter from King Artaxerxes to give permission and support to Ezra and his "ministry team" to establish worship and order in the broken nation.  I'm already anticipating eagerly the deeper things I will discover!
Yesterday, when Walter preached from Genesis 2 & 3 at Silver Heights Bible Church in Weyburn, He brought out how God was the first missionary.  When Adam and Eve brought about the separation of intimate and perfect fellowship with their Maker, God did not turn away from them and reject them.  He left His throne on high to search for them in the Garden.  He called out to Adam, "Where are you?"  (Genesis 3:9)  Generations later, God sent Ezra to His separated people.  And today, God is still sending servants to bring the Good News of restoration and healing to broken and hurting people.  The Lord has not given up on humanity.  His Word continues to promise hope.
Lord,"Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in Your law."  Psalm 119:18

"Where is that piece of paper, you know, the one folded in half and then thirds...It had writing on it?"
If there is one thing that might destroy an otherwise loving and solid marriage, it would be our propensity to lose papers!  Both Walter and myself are paper shufflers and procrastinators when it comes to sorting, filing or disposing of paperwork.  Most times I know where an item may be.  But if I have been cleaning up recently, who knows how my mind decided on any given article left on table, counter or desk?
Quite often, the paper was shuffled and will show up later.  I like when that happens.  Sometimes, a crucial document or piece of information disappears forever-likely placed in the discard pile mistakenly-and we scramble to replace or research what was lost.  Very unfortunate.
This morning, I was on such a hunt for a white paper, folded in half and then in thirds with writing on one side...Walter was certain he had set it on the kitchen counter so he could use it for a Skype meeting right away.  I scoured that counter, all adjacent counters, my desk, the dining room table and then widened the search.  The first round was unsuccessful.  So I made the second sweep, looking deeper this time.  I got bogged down in one major pile of papers, discarded some obsolete stuff, and reported back to Walter.  By this time he was already mid-Skype, so I silently mimed the message with a shrug of my shoulders and an apologetic and sorrowful look on my face.  He waved me away and indicated it wasn't that important right at the moment.
Needless to say, I determined that my task for the afternoon would be to do some "paperwork".  That is almost a punishment or bad word around our house!    Actually, I had tried to close my roll-top desk and was unable to so it was becoming a necessity to deal with it sooner rather than later.
Two hours later, I had sorted our 25th anniversary cards into a keepsake box, as well as the many sympathy cards from Dad's memorial service.  I took the time to read them first.  I gave myself permission to so.  I filled a small bag with paper for recycling.  I filed important reports and records. A small pile was formed "For Walter" which he sorted through quickly.  I even inserted a picture of our wedding and then one of us at our 25th Anniversary celebration into a frame I bought at a garage sale back in early summer.
And now I am typing this blog on my laptop that can finally sit on a clear spot on my desk.
Feeling satisfied with my accomplishments, I will post this blog with the hopes that procrastinators of paperwork everywhere may have inspiration!  We can do it!  We can triumph over the flyers, bank statements and greeting cards that threaten to drown us in their dry waves!
Walter will be home from an appointment soon.  I will try to impress him with my amazing skills of organization.
I just won't mention that the white paper, you know, the one on the counter that was folded...yeah, it never showed up!

In downtown Regina at Court of Queen's Bench, a sentencing is taking place today for Robert Cullen.  He has pleaded guilty to aggravated assault on a woman he hired as a sex trade worker and left for dead by a semi truck.  She was able to climb into the cab and lay on the horn until employees arrived in the morning and called for help.  She survived.
This happened three years ago.  Walter and I were called in by family to pray for this woman in the hospital.  We've known her since she was a teen, over twenty years.  I will never forget her lying in the hospital bed, face swollen, stitched and bruised beyond recognition.  Her hair, with the high ponytail is what identified her in my mind.
At that time, her life was still somewhat in the balance.  Internal injuries and head injuries were critical.  As we prayed, we wondered if this would be the last time we would see her alive.  Then Walter was almost certain he would be the pastor called to do the funeral.  My stomach lurched at the thought!  We had done too many funerals for this family and dreaded to perform this ministry for one we knew more personally.  I remember feeling very hopeless and helpless.  Lord, can You do a miracle to restore her life and bring her out of this lifestyle?
As the judge announces the sentence for Robert Cullen today, my heart aches for my friend.  I have spent countless hours visiting her, playing with her babies, having coffee with her, laughing with her at family gatherings.  Her life is dark and in constant crisis. I long to see her life changed, her children back home with her and a joy she's never known fill her heart and light up her smile.
I can only pray that today will mark another miracle in this woman's tragic life.
I pray for the judge to be the instrument of God to bring justice.
I pray for my friend to call out to her Maker, her Heavenly Father, and her Saviour.
I pray for healing of her wounded heart by the touch of Jesus.
I can only pray...

I heard the front door click shut and footsteps across the living room floor.  A few light bangs and a thump.  I am not startled or alarmed.  At 1:30 in the morning, maybe I should be.
No, I turn over and plump up my pillow.  I had been sleeping for a couple hours by this time, but as every mother will do, I only slept lightly until I heard the familiar sounds of kids coming home.  Mark and Amy arrived safely from Steinbach, a 7-hour journey started after work on Friday night.
How fun to have all our family under one roof for the weekend! 
I had the excuse to cook a big breakfast, well, more aptly a lunch as no one was up until almost noon!  We sat around the dining room table and lingered over the bacon, French toast and juice or coffee.  This is my idea of a perfect Saturday morning!
No one had any big plans for the afternoon except Mark & Daniel, who had to prepare some jokes and speeches for MC'ing at their friends' wedding reception.  Their good buddy, Carlen, met a wonderful young lady from Australia and they had been married back there in August.  So this was the Canadian celebration and we all looked forward to a fun evening.
We crammed into a couple cars and drove to the church where the reception was taking place.  The late fall weather turned suddenly into winter chill as we jogged quickly from the parking lot to the church doors!  But inside, the hall was lit by Christmas lights and candles, giving a warmth to our bodies and hearts.
After a delightful and hilarious evening, our bellies were full and we were still in a social mood.  The kids rented a video from the "Red Box" and we settled into the family room for a quiet movie night.  Walter and I made it through the movie without dozing off and felt quite proud of ourselves!  But we hit the pillows and were sleeping fast that night.
Sunday  morning was the usual scramble for the showers and self-serve breakfast.  My heart again was so happy to know we were going to church to worship the Lord together.  Then the kids made lunch plans to invite a couple friends over - frozen pizzas and wings were on the menu.  Lots more laughter and good times.
Whenever our family gets together, it seems it is usually around a special occasion. Sometimes it seems too busy and we try to squeeze in so much in a short time. It was nice this weekend to just chill together.  We spent Sunday evening with Grandma Dinah, eating brownies and playing Mexican Train.
Then the inevitable...saying good-bye.  We hugged and said the "I love you" 's and sent Mark & Amy off with snacks and "Drive safe" instructions!  
It is nice that Caylea doesn't have to go back to Nipawin Bible College until tomorrow.  More time to hang out and extend the family weekend until midweek!
Happy memories of warm family moments.
Sigh!  Can't wait until Christmas!

THE SKY TURNED PALE YELLOW TO PINK as Walter and I walk the block to the classroom building.  A cool November chill is in the air.  I cram my hands into my vest pocket and Walter draws up the hood of his jacket over his bare head.  Brrrr!
We bustle inside the building with a group of students.  The fluorescent lights glare unnaturally above the long rows of tables and folding chairs.  Some students are seated, opening their laptops in preparation for the 8 am class.  Others students linger in the hall, chatting.  Still others are standing by the coffee machine, hoping caffeine will help to kickstart their morning!
I take my seat in the back of the room, arranging my travel mug of coffee, bookbag and vest around my corner.  Today marks the halfway point for the module on "Ministering Cross-Culturally" that Walter is teaching this week at Millar College of the Bible.  I introduce myself as "Cindy Selke, heckler and prayer supporter"!  The last of the students trickles in and the door is closed just as the buzzer signals the hour.
I glance longingly out the window at a few leaves blowing along the yellowed grass.  I wish I was out walking this morning, instead of sitting for a third day in a row.  The fall day is calling me.
Now don't get me wrong.  I am enjoying the classroom environment and Walter is doing a tremendous job, as usual, in conveying information in a captivating and interactive way.  But I long to be moving and doing.
At one of the breaks, a mature student in the class is munching on a muffin and I comment that I had run out of good snacks for the week.  Breakfast is early and we're starving by 12:30 pm lunchtime! Dan mentions the neighbouring town of Ponteix, about 20 minutes down the gravel road, has a wonderful bakery.  So I tuck that information away and go on with the morning.
I am proud of Walter as he manages to cover all three of the areas of "culture" in his morning sessions.  There had been great interaction and seeming student comprehension of the material.  And the week is over half over now.  We finish lunch in the noisy dining hall, leaving when the students are wiping our table and running a vacuum under our chairs!  The sun felt warm as we walk down the sidewalk towards our suite.  And suddenly we see a couple walking very quickly...
They stop suddenly and grin at us.  It is Dan and his wife, Sharon, whom we have not met.
"Hey, we were hoping to find you!"
Introductions are made.
"I am going to Ponteix this afternoon if you would like to come with me.  I heard you were interested in checking out the bakery."
I didn't need to think long about that decision.
We enjoyed a lovely drive down the gravel road that curved once on the way to Ponteix.  Golden fields of stubble, remaining after harvest, rolled gently in all directions.  Few trees blocked our view of the prairie.  I felt like I'd known Sharon for years as we chatted.  Her son sat quietly in the backseat but neither of us let him say much!
I see the spires long before the rest of the town but Sharon drives straight to the library so she and her son could return some books.  I wander in with them and perused a couple tables of old books for sale.  I pick out three and pay a whole toonie for them!  Then we drive two blocks over to the bakery and restaurant.  I admire the murals on some of the buildings and the variety of old and new architecture.  
It takes me mere minutes to pick out goodies to share with the class for coffee break tomorrow.
Then Sharon drives towards the imposing spires that belong to a grand Roman Catholic church.  From the outside, it rivals any European cathedral I've ever seen picture of...with a huge brick hall and former convent all within the complete block of grass and trees on the property.
We weren't able to stick around long enough for the office hours this afternoon.  A tour would have been absolutely amazing.  Another time.
We drive the same road back and I am very thankful for the outing.
I can handle the rest of the week in a classroom, I think!

As I sit on the 1980’s vintage sofa hide-a-bed in the one bedroom suite in Pambrun, Saskatchewan, I ponder the past few days.  I last wrote a blog article over a week ago about the NAIM staff conference experience in Canmore.  I hoped to write more and give a blow by blow account of the interaction of fellow missionaries in meetings, in worship, in visiting, in play…but it feels like a year ago!

Since being in the beautiful surroundings of the Rocky Mountains, snow-capped and varied in the mist or reflection of sunlight, we’ve traveled home again, gone to another church for Sunday worship, met Quebecois missionaries for breakfast and spent a weekend in Gladstone, Manitoba.  Somehow, I am not in the moment of Canmore.  It is like someone pressed fast-forward and we are now in Millar College of the Bible, immersed in campus life.  Can someone please pause the remote control of my life?

Here I am, sitting across from my husband who has his reading glasses on, a yellow highlighter in one hand and a copy of “Ministering Cross-Culturally” textbook in the other.  What am I doing in this environment when 48 hours ago, we were at a missions conference in our daughter-in-law’s home church?  I almost feel like Philip in the book of Acts when he was transported suddenly from a desert road to Azotus (Acts 8:26, 40).  Our ministry certainly takes us to different communities and environments.  We never know just who we will encounter or what God has for us to do and experience.

Sometimes I am doing special music in front of 40 people in a small-town church.  Occasionally I am on the floor playing a game with little kids in the children’s session.  Then I am visiting with folks and giving out prayer cards.  A few days later, I am sitting in the back of a college classroom.  Then I’m talking with students and engaging with staff members in the dining hall.  Who am I and what is my job description?

For most people, this is confusing.  At times even I marvel at the diversity of roles and relationships I have.  God has given me a gift for small talk when necessary.  I can engage more deeply when needed.  And somehow, I’ve learned to adapt to these environments to connect with various ages and types of people. 

As Walter teaches this class on cultural anthropology, I realize I have become multi-cultural in many ways.  I’ve learned to relate to both rural and urban people, Canadian and American people, First Nations and Metis people, Mennonites and Baptists, wealthy and low income folks…I have made many mistakes and incurred many offenses in learning to relate to all these wonderful people.  But how rich I am for all the relationships!  To enjoy soup and bannock at a Native wake or night lunch in a Mennonite home, I have been blessed to be welcomed into so many cultures. 

I am a missionary.  My job description involves travel and people and speaking and silently praying.  I sleep in many places and take my meals at lots of different tables.  I take my turn driving and hopefully serving my husband so he can minister effectively. 

Lord, here am I; send me!

The room full of people finally grew quiet as the tall gentleman stood at the podium.  Almost apologetically, Scott called the folks to attention.  His evening's agenda was written on a small sheet of paper and he nervously waved it as he repeated the request for everyone to find a seat.
"Welcome to NAIM Staff Conference Canmore 2014!  Our hope is that everyone will find our theme has come true...Relax, Recharge, Renew..."
Scott continued on with announcements and instructions for the next few days.  I sat right at the front to help the songleader with the computer/projector.  Minutes before the meeting began, Scott was frantically locating an overhead projection screen and delegating others to find cords and connectors for the computer equipment.  The songleader wasn't back from supper yet, so none of us were sure what was needed for the first worship session.  And poor Scott kept looking at his wrist, commenting on the time and how many minutes past starting it was!
And here we were, only twenty minutes after 7 pm.  For most of us in First Nations ministry, any meeting that begins half an hour late is still early!  So I chuckled to myself as our M.C. panicked and the songleader was late and the equipment was finally being assembled.  This is reality for most of us in the mission field of North America Indigenous Ministry.
When Jim came up with his guitar, Scott whispered that we were behind schedule and maybe only needed a couple songs to begin our evening.  Jim adjusted and told me which songs to scroll to in his song list.  Again, most of us are used to being flexible, either adding or taking away from the things we have planned.
We sang two old hymns which celebrated our salvation and rejoiced in the Good News.  Then Tal, a pony-tailed First Nations missionary from Nanaimo on Vancouver Island, introduced our guest speaker.  They were personal friends and Tal warmly welcomed Mark Buchanan and his wife, Cheryl to our conference.
Mark grabbed the wireless microphone and began gently but passionately to share some of his story, and launch into the first message.  He was a fifty-ish man, professor at Ambrose University College in Calgary and author of several books.  His youthful jeans and dress shirt, casual yet smart looking shoes and shaven head belied his age.  I settled back in the second row beside Walter and took out pen and paper.  I didn't want to miss what Mark had to say.
"The Rest of God" was the title of his message and of a book he had authored a few years ago.  As he opened up the Ten Commandments, reminding us of the points of the other nine, he revealed the relationship of the Sabbath command to each of them.  These were not mere suggestions.  Today as believers in Jesus Christ, we are to continue to obey these, not only in the letter but the spirit of which God intended.  But somehow in Christian circles, we downplay the need to obey the Sabbath and yet figure we can carry on life and ministry without it.  Really?
Most everyone of us in that conference room could almost taste the delicious promise of rest.  But in our busy-ness, in our passion to reach the lost, share hope with the hurting, we have all pushed ourselves too far and become exhausted or even burned out!  Mark's words were very basic yet so timely.  I wrote furiously and vowed to buy the book after the session!
This weekly cycle of work and one day of rest was meant to keep us in balance.  As God established this routine, we need to value it as a healthy provision, a gift, to keep us energized and to remind us that God is in charge.  He doesn't need our 24/7 duties in order to keep the universe running.  If we rest as we ought, not just pursuing leisure that often leaves us exhausted, but God-centred activities that renew us, our hours of work will actually be more productive and enjoyable.
By the time Mark closed his first talk, and the snack table was being set up, we had been challenged and our appetites whetted for more truth!  I was already eager for the next morning's session.
Walter and I visited with friends and wandered by the goodies.  Then I found James, who was leading worship the next morning, to set up and practice the music.  It was after 11 pm by the time I was back in our hotel room.
Tomorrow would be a new day...

Leaving Regina 5 days ago, armed with Tim Horton's and the Roughrider game on the radio, we headed west on the TransCanada.  The plan was to drive as far as we felt up to and then make our way on Monday afternoon to the NAIM staff conference in Canmore, Alberta. The next thing I know, we are in Medicine Hat and we're both feeling good to keep going.  We switch to our James Herriot audiobook, reload with light snacks and away we went.

The sunset was spectacular as our diesel Jetta covered the kilometers-pinks, oranges, yellows, fading into blues.  Soon the sun disappeared below the horizon.  The lights of Calgary appeared and we hoped to find a hotel and food on the west side of the city.
"Hey, let's take the Stoney Trail and avoid 16th Avenue!"  So we drove what seemed to take us north a long ways before we turned west.  We read signs of streets and neighbourhoods that were new to us, wondering where this new by-pass would rejoin the TransCanada.  Soon, we found ourselves on the west side, beyond the strip of hotels and restaurants.  

"So, I guess we keep going to Canmore tonight?"

But the little Jetta needed refueling, and so did I!  We stopped at the PetroPass truck stop and found road snacks to tide us over until we reached our destination.  By this time, it is pitch black and I am tired and hungry and no longer feeling adventurous.  I had envisioned pacing ourselves so we would feel rested and ready for the conference.  And I imagined that wonderful sensation when we drove into the mountains and could almost inhale the fresh alpine experience!

Instead, we wound our way into the Rockies without actually knowing or seeing that the mountains were surrounding us.  The stars twinkled above the blackness.  Before too long we saw the Canmore signs and decided on the Rundle Mountain Inn.  We'd stayed there several years ago, a quaint log hotel with a neon vacancy sign.  Walter checked us in and then we drove a block or two and found a Wendy's.  We dined back at the cozy room and then crawled into bed.  Quite ready for sleep.

The next morning, we woke with the whole day stretching before us.  I was glad then that we didn't have to drive anymore.  We could explore, walk, shop.  We could check into the conference centre after a day to ourselves.  It was a delicious feeling.

As we entered the lobby, hugs and greetings erupted as NAIM folks began arriving.  Cheesy retro-nametags and information packets in hand, we officially began our three-day gathering.

Stay tuned as the next blog will reveal the inner workings of a staff conference of a bunch of crazy, independent and faithful missionaries....

I'm back but only briefly.
Some changes to our travel schedule enabled me to be home for an extra 48 hours before we leave for another few days.
Walter and I drove from Regina to Calgary on Tuesday morning following the Thanksgiving weekend.  It was a pleasant and relaxing drive, with the odd combine in the fields and some lovely colourful leaves still on the trees as we headed west.  The miles (kilometres?) flew by as we listened to an audio book of James Herriot's All Creatures Great and Small.  As we neared Calgary, Walter caught a glimpse of the Rocky Mountains and breathed a sigh.  We reached our destination exactly at the time we had hoped and could relax with our friends for the evening.
Why were we in Calgary, you may ask. Friends, whom Walter had lived with in the early 1980's, lost their 22-year-old daughter, Danielle, to Lyme Disease.  Her passing was both sudden and tragic, as she was undergoing treatments and was actually up and out of bed in recent weeks.  But because of some side-effects of the treatments, Danielle developed Seratonin Syndrome and had to be hospitalized.  She was unable to sleep and began to struggle with mental/psychological symptoms that the medical staff were trying to bring under control.  Sadly, she was unable to recover and went into cardiac arrest.  She never regained consciousness and the family had a few days to say good-bye before she slipped away into her Saviour's arms.
I believe I wrote some of this story in a previous blog. My battle earlier was that I was in the midst of acknowledging the loss of my Dad and the one-year markers that were coming up in the journey of my grieving.  I felt so numb, so unfeeling towards the Adrian family as Danielle's life was hanging in the balance.  When she did pass away, I felt some sadness but almost felt on the outside as Walter wept and felt this loss profoundly.
Because of the nature of Danielle's passing and the battle with our Canadian medical system to even acknowledge Lyme Disease as real, the family requested an autopsy.  With Thanksgiving weekend also coming up, the actual memorial service was set for about ten days from the time of her death.  This worked well for family and friends traveling, but as I know from personal experience, it can be difficult to grieve and process in the days before a postponed service.
About 600 people, young and elderly, were present in the large church sanctuary.  A beautiful black and white photograph of Danielle stood among some brightly coloured flower arrangements.  On the overhead screen above the front stage, was a set of three poses of Danielle in a blue plaid shirt, standing in a wheat field.  In one of the poses, she stood with arms stretched out, eyes closed and face lifted to the sky. What a lovely depiction of her desire to be with Jesus!  So many of the tributes and songs shared reflected her acceptance of the disease and its ultimate end being her "graduation" to heaven.
One of the poems Danielle had penned while in her bedridden condition had been put to music by a very talented young lady.  She sang to her own piano accompaniment and it was very touching.  This poem had been a blessing to several of her friends who had decided to turn their lives around to follow Jesus and not give up.  Wow!
The pastor shared a captivating presentation of the Gospel as the final portion of the memorial service.  Not hard and heavy but clear and inviting.  The image from John 14 of the mansion God is preparing for us gave me such a longing, such an ache for "home".  He explained how the eastern cultures often had the young married couples live in the family home, but just another room was added to accommodate them.  So the wording of verse 2 made sense in the middle-eastern context:  "In my Father's house are many rooms..."  That sense of being welcomed to a home where family was waiting and our Father was making things ready for our arrival was such a warm and beautiful picture for me.  The hope that the pastor communicated was very real and solid in the face of a too-young and too-soon death.  And that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6) for us to be received into this amazing heavenly home gave that assurance that our faith in Jesus Christ is not in vain.
So, we grieved but not as those who have no hope.  I cried through some of the service,  I felt the stinging of tears when we greeted Danielle's Mom and Dad, who smiled and spoke of their thankfulness for God's timing and peace in everything.  How incredible is God's grace in times like this! I'm back at my earthly home, but not for long.  We leave Sunday for a conference in Alberta.  I have the reminder that this world is not my true home ~ we're all just traveling through...

The blur of the weekend's activities has finally slowed and I want to take time to capture some moments.  It is now Monday evening of Thanksgiving weekend.  The house is empty except the two of us whose names are on the mortgage.
After four glorious days of warm, sunny weather, I have the windows open to let in the late harvest evening air.  Although we weren't doing anything particular outdoors, it was lovely to have pleasant days, especially for the wedding on Saturday that we attended.  Yes, we squeezed in extra company the pastor/professor who performed this wedding of a young lady who has been part of our church family.  So, it was a busy and full weekend!
Sunday was the highlight of it all and we began with the race to the shower in the morning!  We all made it to church for worship practice and setting up for the turkey meal to follow the service.  It was a bit of a chaotic morning - and for any of you who have been part of our ministry, the typical Sunday morning always seems to have a level of challenge with the sound system, copies of music missing or something someone forgot for the meal!  But when we all settled down to begin the service, God did take over and met with us in the music and the sharing.  It was a joy to focus on what we were thankful for and how God has blessed us as families and a church body in the past months!
Walter loves to preach on Sundays such as Thanksgiving.  We usually have a few extra guests along with the faithful in the congregation, plus it is easy to preach when the theme presents itself.  This year, Walter shared a different slant on giving thanks, based on Romans 1:20 & 21.  In my own perspective, the message was focused on the results of a life lived without being thankful.  Those who did not give God glory, who did not acknowledge Him, "nor gave thanks to Him..." began to head in dangerous directions.  Why?  Because ungratefulness leads to negative, futile and dark thinking.  And following this path unchecked leads to sin.
This became illustrated more clearly as Walter took us to Exodus 20 and walked through such thought processes with each of the Ten Commandments.  As the verse in Romans stated, if we do not acknowledge and give thanks to the one true God, we will easily slip into allowing "idols" become our objects of worship.  If we are not grateful to the Lord, we will easily misuse His name.  If we are not thankful, we will not consider the Sabbath important.  We will not honour our mother and father and so on...Not being appreciative for what we have will lead to covetousness and stealing. Relationships on all levels will break down.  Selfishness and greed and pride will take over as complaining and bitterness replace thankfulness.  These were powerful and practical examples.
As we ended the Sunday service and transitioned into our Thanksgiving meal, it was wonderful to have our church family pitching in to set up, serve and clean up.  We actually ate a "snack" there and slipped away early to prepare for our family supper to be at 5 pm at our place!  Fifteen people ranging in age from 3 up to 94 shared a turkey dinner and all the trimmings.  We tried something new this year:  I bought a selection of simple gifts and goodies.  Then we each chose a number on little pieces of paper with number 15 going first!  Each person said what they were thankful for and then they could choose a gift.  It was a fun way to focus on our blessings.
By 11 pm the last of the guests headed home and we all crashed for the night.
Today was recovery day.  We slept in, watched football and ate leftovers.  We had a short phone call with Mark and Amy in Steinbach, who were also watching the tragic Roughrider team get destroyed by Montreal Alouettes while cooking a turkey and awaiting company for supper.  Caylea and friends left for Nipawin in the afternoon and Daniel found friends to hang out with.
So, we are left with a few remnants of the weekend lying about the house and some precious memories of Thanksgiving 2014.
Psalm 107:1 "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever."

As I reflect at the end of today, I have images that flash like video highlights.
Sunshine.
Golden leaves.
Bright, blue sky.
Canada geese flying in V-formation.
Squirrel on the fence.
Freshly painted door, mailbox, house numbers and light fixture, "Ruby Red".
I run through what I accomplished today and a lot of small things filled my day.
Bank, grocery store, post office.
Vacuuming.
Drilling a hole through the floor.
Stringing water line through said hole.
Serving coffee.
Making supper.
And then there was hugging, greetings and chatter as my son came home from work and my daughter and friends came home for Thanksgiving weekend!
I count my blessings
in images
tasks
and family.
Thank You, Lord for today.

Last Sunday at our Healing Hearts Regina staff meeting, I shared that last week could possibly be a tough one for me personally because of the one year anniversary of Dad's admittance to the hospital. I had tried to be proactive in asking for prayer support.  I took time to journal.  I was trying to be aware and prepared for the emotions I anticipated.
Then we got the news of our friends' daughter, Danielle, being declared "brain dead" and their prayerful decision to pull all life support.
For my husband, this was extremely hard-hitting.  He had known this family very well and the closeness of this young girl's age to our own daughter triggered sadness at a deep level.
I felt blind-sided.
In trying so hard to deal with my own grieving, I had no room for someone else's.  I felt completely unable to connect with this family's loss and could not seem to extend comfort to my husband.
We carried on in the week with our ministry which included some counselling, a mission-focus presentation and visiting staff.  By Friday morning, we heard the news of young Danielle's passing and I think our emotions hit an all-time low.
At the very  moment when our guards were down and we were most vulnerable, the enemy of our souls struck.
Hard.
While my husband was experiencing sadness and compassion for another's loss, I reacted to this news and the uncertainty of our schedule with frustration and anger. This left Walter feeling very isolated and alone.  As he shared his feelings, I automatically internalized them as my inadequacy to be supportive and failure to be empathetic.  The enemy had us separated and began to pour lies into my  mind.  My shield of faith was down and my helmet of salvation was hanging by a strap!  So instead of being able to support one another, we seemed divided by grief and anger.
We talked and shared and eventually prayed together, but a heaviness seemed to linger over us.
Our plan was to stay home Friday evening and watch our beloved Roughriders play on television.  Instead of being a quiet, relaxing and enjoyable evening together, that heaviness seemed to increase as our home team played one of their worst games in 20 years!  This may seem trivial and unrelated, but our anger and anxiety grew with the poor playing and mistakes on the football field.
I went upstairs to clean up the kitchen and Walter began playing some solitaire game on his phone.  It was depressing.  But after half-time, I joined him again on the couch and wondered how the second half with our second string quarterback would go...
I had been trying to pray throughout our evening.  I could feel the wall between us and the spiritual cloud over us and prayer didn't seem to break through.  Then a momentum shift in the game turned my focus and we both became more attentive and animated as the Riders got some points on the scoreboard!  Three touchdowns with 2-point conversions had us almost caught up to the rival Calgary Stampeders.
Now, I'd like to say the heaviness broke and the Roughriders won and all was well in our world.
Reality is, that cloud of darkness did seem to break and then I began to pray more earnestly. I could feel a lifting of my spirits and a renewing of my thoughts to more positive and faith-filled directions. (Later we got more details of the memorial service to be held in Calgary and our plans became more clear for the next week or two. )
Today, I sat in our weekly staff meeting and tried to share how my week had gone.  All I could say was that I realized I didn't "do sadness" very well and I got angry with my husband for being able to experience sadness appropriately!  We all kinda laughed, but through some tears, I also felt supported and understood.  Even though I had tried to care for myself, I couldn't anticipate the spiritual attack that came when I was most vulnerable.
I had read Ephesians 4 before church this morning and seemed to interpret everything through a dark and accusatory grid.
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, as God in Christ forgave you."
At first, I thought the Lord was rebuking me for not showing kindness and compassion towards my husband, or even towards Danielle's family.  The remnants of self-loathing were trying to creep in from Friday's battle.  But then I reread the verses and I sensed a different tone.  The Lord was telling me to be kind to myself and to be tenderhearted towards my own loss.  I should forgive myself for not being as sensitive and caring as I could have been to my husband.  The Lord forgave me.  He is kind and tenderhearted towards me.  And I want to be ~ and have been in the past ~ caring and compassionate to others in their pain.  So why not treat myself kindly?
The football lesson?  That's for another blog...

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY...
I awoke one year ago today anticipating a fairly average Monday.
A quiet morning on a typical day off, then we planned to attend the funeral of a family friend in the afternoon.  But the phone call at about 9:00 am changed that day and the weeks after that!
My step-mom sounded upset and desperate, asking us to come over to their apartment and try to "convince your father" to go to the doctor!  By the time we arrived, Dad needed an ambulance and didn't really give Walter any resistance to calling 9-1-1.  The paramedics arrived very quickly and within minutes, Dad went into cardiac arrest.
I always wondered how I would react if and when my parents would become seriously ill and/or pass away.  Surprisingly, I felt calm and could think and respond to the situation (along with Walter) as Dinah needed us!  I wasn't overly worried or anxious.  Somehow I knew this time would come.  Dad wasn't particularly healthy for a 70+ year old man but it still seemed too early to me.
Now, a year later, I was anticipating more emotion and grieving.  It has come off and on this summer, with the annual Queen City Exhibition and parade bringing a flood of memories and feelings of good times with Dad on the rides and midway.  And Dad always made or pulled a float in the parade since I was a kid.  This fall, as I see combines in the fields, I think of Dad waiting by the phone for the call to come and help harvest for some local farmers.  I'd feel the tears stinging and the lump in my throat as I knew Dad wouldn't be harvesting anymore.
This morning, I thought I'd journal and let my heart and memory go where they needed to as I processed Dad's sickness and passing.  But I was interrupted by a phone call.  Only after I took down the information and made three other phone calls, did I realize the special "coincidence" of this occasion: I was being informed of my fall square curling team!
Probably one of the single most influential and impacting places in my relationship with my Dad has been the Tartan Curling Club and the sport of curling.  Seeing Dad sit behind his desk as Manager of the Club for 33 years or hearing his voice over the crackly intercom to page a curler for a phone call are memories that won't quickly fade!  My love for curling and the interest and passion our kids have all inherited for the sport are due largely to Grandpa's influence.  He would watch my curling games-at least my shots-and give me advice once in a while!  He sponsored our children in the "Curl for Kids" program and would come to their competitions whenever possible.  He later coached our son, Daniel, in Junior Men's division of competitive curling in Saskatchewan.  Dad was the biggest fan!
Even when I'd be visiting Dad in the hospital, he knew I'd come before or after my curling game (the General Hospital is a few blocks from the Tartan). I'd be somewhat apologetic about cutting the visit short because of that but he wouldn't have it any other way.  "No, go curl!  I'm not going anywhere!" he'd say!

Rather than this phone call triggering more sorrow and mourning, I couldn't stop smiling!  How appropriate for the one year anniversary of Dad's admittance into the hospital than for me to begin preparing for another curling season.  It felt like a gift from the Lord just for me!
There will be other anniversaries and family gatherings and holidays that will trigger sadness and will emphasize the void Dad leaves in our celebrations.  Somehow I know God will provide some special comfort ~just for me.

"God is good...all the time!  All the time...God is good!  And God is great...all the time!  All the time...God is great!"
Our speaker at the 4th annual Healing Hearts Ministry Staff Conference was TV Thomas.  We were blessed to have him address our group with five messages that inspired and challenged us.  Each session TV began with these declarations and we grew to expect and engage enthusiastically in repeating them!
It was so evident that God showed Himself good to us throughout our conference.  I saw our staff making connections with each other and enjoying fellowship.  In groups of two or more, folks were chatting, playing games or taking walks.  It warmed my heart!
In our small sharing & prayer groups, I experienced the goodness of the Lord as we got to know each other better.  We could share in a more intimate setting some personal needs and be prayed for by our fellow servants in ministry.  God was good in opening us up to each other and building trust where sometimes we feel we need to "have it all together" as spiritual leaders!
Laughter!  What a delight to hear giggles and outright guffaws as we had fun together!  How good it was to play silly games in "Photo Scavenger Hunt" and "Minute to Win It" (mistakenly interpreted as "Mennonite to Win It"). Walter & I had to laugh at ourselves as our crazy staff posted the "Harlem Shake", Healing Hearts style, on Facebook!  Hilarious!
God showed His greatness in the beauty surrounding us at Strasbourg Bible Camp on Last Mountain Lake.  The sunsets were extravagant, the weather warm and sunny, the waterfowl peaceful and intriguing.  He showed Himself great as we worshiped together, singing of His glory and power, rejoicing in His salvation.  In the richness of God's Word, as TV spoke on the life and journey of Moses, I saw the great wisdom and sovereignty of our Lord and King!
A song we did sing a couple times throughout the conference was "10,000 Reasons", a wonderful expression of our hearts to our Father God.  If all 35+ in our gathering could share reasons to praise the Lord, we would almost reach 10,000!
One of the blessings I hadn't really expected was to see the MK's (missionary kids"), making friends with each other.  A couple of them remembered each other from last year's conference and reunited with obvious joy!  Watch out next year-they'll likely find ways to get into trouble together, too!
Thank You, Lord, for meeting with us in such tangible ways, for answering my prayers for a blessed time.  You never disappoint when we put our hope in You.
God is good, and He is great...all the time!  

                                          Healing Hearts Staff Conference-September 2014

It is amazing how a day or two can make a difference.
My last blog entry was from a place of near despair.  Today, I feel excited and eager to begin our Staff Conference out at Strasbourg Bible Camp!
God has brought all details together - as I knew He could but wondered how He would.
*Our childcare workers are all in place.
*The t-shirts, coffee mugs, water bottles and hoodies with our Healing Hearts logo all arrived or were picked up with one day to spare.
*We have enough rooms for accommodating our staff and guests.
*The weather forecast is for very pleasant weather.
*Our speaker is a tremendous man of God with truth for us this week.
I read Psalm 86 this morning and I could rejoice with David!  God is so gracious and forgiving and good and strong...I could declare with David the marvelous deeds that only our God can perform.  I felt the words of this psalm echoed my heart's cry for an undivided heart to worship and serve the living God!
The least I can expect is that God will show up at our conference and the most I want to expect is He will utterly take over and cause our gathering to be a revival that spreads from the camp to our home communities to the world!
Oh, Lord, hear our prayer!

Today was the "day after" a big event.  I felt tired and emotionally spent.  The excitement of the 20th anniversary celebration - with all the participating in the service, greeting people and helping put on the BBQ meal afterwards - drained away.  And I was left feeling "blah" about everything!
I wish I knew the secret to being calm and even-keeled.
Sometimes I get myself so worked up before a special occasion that I can hardly sleep.  Just like a kid on Christmas Eve!  Then I work like crazy during that day or two and exhaust myself completely.
At the same time, I don't want to be "ho-hum" about things that ought to bring great joy and pleasure in life.  I want to experience events, not just get through them!
So here I am - on the "day after" - and wondering how to recover.  Resting today was not really possible.  Company.  Daughter's medical appointment.  Preparing a couple meals.
I am thinking of Jesus' conversation with the Samaritan woman.  He promised her living water.  He told the woman if she drank this water, she'd never thirst again.
Then there is the reference to the psalmist being like a deer, panting for the Lord's refreshing.
And again, the image of pilgrims to Jerusalem, going from pools of water as from "strength to strength".
The Lord knows I am dry and empty.  He is aware of my spiritual and emotional tank being on "E"...not to mention the physical tiredness that is setting in.  I know my Shepherd will lead me beside the quiet waters to restore my soul.
Lord, I choose to give You my joy and thankfulness, as well as my fatigue.  I have celebrated; now I wait on You to fill up what was used up.
In a day or two, I will be ready for the next event:  Healing Hearts Annual Staff Conference!
'Lord, I am a vessel; use me as You will.  Make of me a vessel You can use and bless and fill."
(More of You by One Accord)

Ever since I was young - maybe 7 or 8 years old, I remember getting a kick out of church!  We used to attend with our Grandma and aunts and uncles in small town Saskatchewan.  I remember my sister, Paula, being given a coin for the offering and inevitably she would drop it and it would roll loudly on the hardwood floor.  Once I was old enough to read and know the Lord's Prayer, I would participate in the hymns and prayer.  Loudly!  My aunts and older cousins would snicker as they usually were more moderate in their singing and praying.
After church, we might go to Grandma's house and being Sunday afternoon, there wasn't much on television back then before satellite and cable options.  So Paula and I would set up a T.V. tray and Grandma's hymnal and "play church".  Must have been entertaining for the adults, our renditions of the songs and of the sermon!  Something about worship services resonated with me.
Fifteen or so years later, I would be participating in worship services myself, married to a pastor and learning to lead the singing.  I especially enjoyed planning theme or holiday services, which aren't all that often in any given calendar year.  But somehow, I got ideas and inspiration and loved to put together special events.
Then, in September, 1994, Walter and I, along with a few other couples and families, began a ministry in an inner city community centre.  This was more than "playing church".  It required commitment, effort, and spiritual fortitude to keep going when numbers were low or responses were slow.  As much fun as it was to plan the services at times, often I felt discouraged and overwhelmed.
As the ministry grew, I learned it required more than Sunday services to grow a church body.  There was visiting, late night phone counseling, picking people up for the services and hospital runs!  Then there were mid-week Bible studies, baptisms and baby dedications not to mention planning special events like Christmas programs and Thanksgiving dinners.
My Bible education and vocational training was put to good use in the first year of our church-planting endeavour; but God began to challenge me personally.  I  needed healing in my own heart.  I needed to engage in the healing journey before I could lead others.  So I took some counseling, some seminars, did some reading and even began to pursue a counseling degree.
In all of that, I experienced some amazing healing and deep times with my Lord.  I also wondered if the formal degree was necessary.  God directed me to hone my skills and lead small groups or do individual ministry with women in particular without the master's level in education.  What I saw was that the Lord did use me and He opened up the hearts of other women to trust me with their stories and their pain.  What a privilege and honour!
I am reminded of Luke 12:48b as I recall this journey in my life.  I was a young and inexperienced missionary and fairly new wife and mother of 3 toddlers as we began Healing Hearts Ministry.  And God somehow found me (us!) to be trustworthy enough to give this ministry a try.  Here is what Jesus said in this verse:   "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."
I feel this sums up the past 20 years for me.  God has given me many opportunities, blessed with me with many precious friends and entrusted me with a strong leader/visionary husband and 3 unique and gifted children!  But it has not been an easy road.  Much has been demanded and required of me, of our marriage and our family life in the process.  Oh, God has been faithful!  He has been our strength and protector!  He has provided everything we have needed.
I see this verse as not only a reminder of how the Lord has sustained us but a call to the future challenges as the ministry grows.  We will be called upon to travel, listen, give counsel, share truth, pray, pray, pray!  Much more than "playing church" on Sunday mornings!
I trust in the Lord to supply all I will need as He requires more and more for a fruitful ministry.