James 1:12 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights..."

Do you struggle with guilt?  

I don't mean the guilt feelings when you've done something wrong but the nagging cloud that comes over when you are enjoying something fun.

This seems normal to me.  But when someone else noticed my guilt-laden response to a positive or pleasurable thing, then I saw more clearly.  Self-induced guilt is not a good thing.

So I went on a Scripture journey and found some beautiful words.

I started with James.  "Every good and perfect gift..."  means exactly that!  God gives good things. Like tasty food, blue sky, happy feelings, funny jokes, intimate relationships.

Then Psalm 103 came to mind.  

"Praise the Lord, my soul;
  all my inmost being, praise His holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul, 
 and forget not all His benefits-
who forgives all your sins
 and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
 and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
 so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

These words are all about God's good gifts, like forgiveness, healing, redemption, love, fulfilling our desires.  Where is the guilt?  No, it's about praise, right from the deepest part of our hearts for the blessings and benefits of being in relationship with the Lord God.

After a quick peek in my Bible's concordance, I found Zephaniah 3:17.  

17 The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Knowing my Father God delights in me, loves me, rejoices over me is a special picture in my mind.  I can see two specific photographs of my own Dad - one where he holding me, his face mere inches from my infant face with a silly grin.  And another, where he is holding his first grandchild, our son Mark, with such an enraptured expression.  Is that how the Lord looks on me, on you, with open affection and delight?  Probably even more so!

All I know for sure is that after just a brief time in God's Word, I felt different about what I had always been experiencing.   As Walter and I were talking about my "guilt-trips" where I am the only one traveling it, he asked me a couple key questions: 

1. If you could do something just for yourself, what would you like to do?

2.  If you could buy something just for yourself, what would that be?

I am excited to let these questions become the permission I give myself to dream and allow myself to enjoy things that are good, good for me and good gifts from my Father!

Maybe you who are reading this blog wrestle with feeling guilty for doing things for yourself.  Especially as those of us in Christian ministry are taught to serve others and not think of ourselves, we take on that "martyr complex" to live sacrificially.  Jesus calls us to give, serve and sacrifice but not to the point where we burn ourselves out for others!  Enjoying life, vacations, pampering and pleasure every now and then is healthy.  

I argue with myself:  isn't this being selfish?

Balance. I want to be a balanced, wise and fruitful servant of the Lord.

To live for Jesus and receive what He gives.

May you be blessed as you find freedom in Jesus Christ from false guilt.

Being Thankful means...
pausing to acknowledge God
rejoicing in God's goodness
choosing to recognize my own emptiness
blessing the Lord from my heart
enjoying the gifts from God's hand
testifying when He has answered prayer
giving to others generously
being content with what I have
trusting God will provide in the future
believing my Heavenly Father knows my needs and wants to fill me up.
Being Thankful is...
a choice
an offering
an act of worship
a way of life
an evidence of Christ in me
an attitude
an antidote to bitterness
a response to everything whether good or bad that comes my way.

Cooking for 50 inner city kids and 30 counselors and support staff is not for the faint of heart! Although I was doubting whether I could handle 'head cook' this summer, I received some unexpected blessings from the Lord as I said "Yes" to the job.
First of all, I was joined by 3 very capable, competent and experienced women to assist me in the kitchen.  Any of these ladies has been or could be lead cook for a much larger group, so I felt very confident in their abilities and suggestions.  What a wonderful gift to be surrounded by a "dream team"~we were able to work together with ease and have lots of fun doing it!
Secondly, each morning after breakfast, our kitchen team lingered over a second cup of coffee to read some Scripture and pray.  How rich to share sweet fellowship in Christ!  I felt humbled by the wisdom and maturity of each of my fellow cooks.  These moments strengthened us to serve and we all testified to feeling God's strength when our own energy was spent!
Thirdly, even though I was not able to be directly involved in the campers' lives, I received a few hugs, some "thank you's" for the yummy food and witnessed some challenging and needy children be so touched by love and grace.  Girls like "Sam" who has grown up in a very unhealthy environment, but has incredible insight into Scripture...boys like "Ryan" who has a high-functioning form of autism but responded to caring and gentleness... kids who attended Inner City Camp and now have returned as junior staff who feel significant and wanted and needed in the camp community...
So many other blessings come as a bonus-the beautiful Last Mountain Lake lapping against shore, the pelicans, ducks and other water birds bobbing on the water or soaring through the air, the laughter and squeals of excited children being themselves!
Not to mention, free "tuck" everyday (canteen treats) and camp songs running constantly through my head!
Lasting memories of special days.
Now I am back home resting my sore feet and enjoying peace and quiet.  But I am treasuring the unexpected blessings as loving gifts from my Heavenly Father for a time when I thought I wouldn't be able to make it through the physical and mental rigors of camp ministry!
I might even consider going back next year... ;-)

IF PRAYER CHANGES THINGS....
This summer I have been more intentional about praying.  Partly because I have been doing less "doing", if you know what I mean.  Walter and I tried to plan our summer with more breaks and time for relaxing and committed to only one week of Bible camp and one trip to visit staff.
If prayer changes things... I want to learn more about prayer.
So I have found two particularly helpful resources to spur on my knowledge of prayer.  The book "Streams in the Desert" originally written by L.B. Cowman and edited for graduates by Jim Reimann, has been challenging to me.  I'm a little slow on the uptake but as I read the devotionals day after day, I finally got the point: when we are going through hard, difficult dry "desert" times in our lives, God is teaching us something.  The trials are not a waste of our time or God's attention. And learning to truly pray and connect with God to hear from Him - particularly through the difficulties - this is ONE of the underlying purposes that God allows us to undergo trials.
The second inspiring resource was found on "Amazon.com" as a free download for my Kindle  (e-reader) by Stormie Omartian.  She has written several books on prayer, ie The Praying Mother, The Praying Wife.   As I read the simple yet profound booklet "The 7-Day Prayer Warrior Experience", I was reignited with regard to the warfare aspect of prayer.  She expounded on the armour of God in Ephesians 6.  This gave me some new insights into the armour, the importance of our spiritual weapons to battle the enemy and the significance of prayer as a key weapon for both defense and for advancing the Kingdom on the offense!
Because I had more time for reading, I also have had more time for actual praying. I focused on praying for Walter as he spoke in the Bible camp chapel times.  I made it a priority every morning to seek the Lord and pray for all kinds of requests at the camp.  And we both felt that it had been one of the best camp weeks we had spent in recent years!  I am not taking credit for that.  But when we pray, God does change things.  God's power is somehow released as His people pray.
Well, this coming week, Walter & I are spending a second week at Bible Camp (the first week had been a last-minute decision back in July because of a cancelled camp speaker!).  I will be in the kitchen as head cook and I know from past experience, there isn't much time for leisurely devotions and prayer!  Nevertheless, I have been praying and asking God to prepare me and my husband for this week of ministry, where we will be pouring out physically and spiritually.  We will be "doing".  I don't want to lose that close fellowship with my Saviour and I want to be part of God's work at camp in a meaningful way.
So if you are reading this, maybe God is prompting YOU to be a prayer warrior for us as we minister in the rigorous inner city kids' camp setting.  Or maybe you want to learn more about prayer to be equipped for intercessory ministry.  Go ahead.  Prayer is never a wasted endeavour - it is not the least we can do.
PRAYER IS THE MOST WE CAN DO!

I am not sure I will ever learn to let go...
This recent trip to Alberta and northern Saskatchewan made me aware again how responsible I feel for our home and family and find it difficult to be away.  In the previous blog entry, I mentioned our daughter, Caylea's emergency trip and how we agonized over whether to return to Saskatchewan or carry on with our travel itinerary.  But behind those factual details, I was really torn and on the verge of tears over being away from Caylea and feeling helpless while she suffered physically and was trying to find medical help.  It was a comfort that her brother, Daniel, drove her to the hospital and a couple other friends accompanied them, as well.  But its not the same as "Mom" being there.
As Walter and I prayed for her and asked the Lord to show us what to do, I had to struggle through the options with my mind and heart.  My mind told me:  Caylea is almost 21.  Were you still relying on your mother when you were sick?  (I couldn't recall being critically sick then!) The logic was that she does need to learn to take care of herself and navigate hospitals and the health care system we have.  My heart told me: Caylea is your daughter and she needs you!  If this is serious, you need to be there to support, guide and wade through/fight for medical tests and get some action!
I argued with myself that I was a good mother and had been there for her in times of illness.  And if it was something requiring surgery or other medical procedures, we would turn around and cancel our appointments.  No one would judge us for a family medical emergency!
But another part of our challenge in being on the road this time was that our son, Daniel was leaving for Australia on the Friday.  This gave us a week to complete our ministry tour and be home in time to see him off on his journey!  Walter and I wrestled with our travel plans and wondered if we had squeezed too much in a week's time.  We had 3 communities to visit and one extra travel day to cushion any unforeseen issues.  Some tension rose as I again felt the enormity of a mother's pull to care for and send off my son on such a momentous trip.  My mind told me:  Daniel is 22.  He has traveled abroad before and is a competent and confident young man.  My heart told me: Daniel is your son and he needs you!  This is a big deal to him and he needs that support and loving send off!
I just don't know how many such events need to happen before I will learn to trust.  First of all, to trust that we have raised healthy, smart, careful and responsible young adults.  They are worlds ahead in life skills and confidence than I was at their ages.  And they have cell phones, good friends and family support ~ and they know how to use them!
More importantly, I need to learn to trust God, our Heavenly Father, to take care of our children.  Yes, they will always be my kids, even when they have kids of their own someday!  But time after time God has watched over them and taken care of their health, finances and safety.
Back when all three of our children were going to be away at Bible camp for a week, I went through this same battle of learning to let go...and trust.  I have underlined and dated the verse the Lord gave me:  Psalm 28:9b "...be their shepherd and carry them forever."  June 28/06 -for our kids-camp.  Another similar Scripture has give me hope and comfort when our kids have all been away from home and traveling on our Saskatchewan winter roads:  Psalm 121:5a, 7 & 8 "The Lord watches over you...The Lord will keep you from all harm-He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
And yet another verse was a wonderful promise the Lord gave me after our oldest, Mark, had borrowed our van and was picking up a friend from the Winnipeg airport.  A bolt had sheered off and the wheel was wobbling dangerously!  Mark was able to steer to the side of the road and after a quick call to "Dad", tightened all remaining bolts and made it to their destination safely.  Psalm 1:6a "For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous..."
God has assured me numerous times that HE is watching over, looking after and caring for these loved ones.  I can trust Him.
I am learning!

Pacing myself.
This week we are traveling for the ministry and as always, the "adventures with Walter" continue!
We began with a wedding in Saskatoon of two young adults that we have known since they were very young.  It was a joy to celebrate their covenant vows and witness the beginning of their new life's adventures.
Before the evening was over, we drove almost 5 hours to Stettler, AB.  It was an uneventful drive as we listened to our audiobook selection.  Then about 1/2 hour before we reached our destination, our daughter texted to say she was going to emergency!  She'd been having abdominal pain and problems off and on but today it was particularly bad.  So we checked in to our accommodations and got ready for bed but kept one ear open for the subsequent texts to update on Caylea's emergency trip.We prayed fervently and waited for the Lord to direct us.  Should we turn around and head back to be with Caylea?  Would she need surgery or some other procedure?  When the news was not urgent and somewhat inconclusive, we chose to keep going with our travel plans.  By 1 o'clock in the morning, we received our last update.  She did get an ultrasound done but it showed nothing obvious.  The pain wasn't better or worse so she was able to go back home and is to follow up with her own doctor.
Day 2 we got up early and found some coffee and quick breakfast food before driving the 20 minutes to Big Valley for the Metis Gathering (Hivernant).  Our staff Rev. David Lilly (and his wife Elizabeth) is chaplain of the Metis Nation of Alberta and this was the highlight of his year to lead an interdenominational worship service at the annual gathering.
Everything was new to us.  We parked by the old train station and wandered up the road to meet with David and his wife.  They met us on the road, directing us to the Drop-in Centre where the service was to be held.  There were people with cameras, booths set up with jewelry and souvenirs for sale, a huge tent where breakfast was just finished and a Metis village set up in the park.  The morning was cool after the night's rain but the sun promised to warm up this beautiful Sunday.
We found our way to the Drop-In Centre and were very pleased to see the tables and chairs nearly full with worshipers.  David wore a white collar, blue ribbon shirt and Metis sash as he stood before the people.  We joined in with the pianist and two guitar players as they led several old hymns and country gospel songs.  Walter was asked to read a portion of Scripture.  We prayed from the Anglican prayer book and David shared a brief Gospel homily from John 3:16.
Folks mingled a bit and a few came to shake our hands.  We enjoyed some fresh bannock and jam.  Then it was time to move on to our next commitment: help David lead a short service at a senior's manor in Stettler.  His  daughter, Rachel, came with us and shared her recent mission trip to India with the senior's - all ladies- who were so happy to have her and us as guests.
The adventure continued...we went back to Big Valley to participate in a few more of the day's events, then said our good-byes to the Lilly family.  We headed down the road...
Our next visit was with the Simms in the Brooks area.  Janice is 5 days overdue with child #3 and so our visit included a tour of their new farmhouse and the yard and outbuildings.  We picked fresh veggies for supper and got acquainted with their little kids aged 4 and 2.  Once they were in bed, we adults caught up on how they were doing.  By midnight, we found our bed and dropped off in exhaustion.
There was a loud and fantastic thunderstorm that night.  The Simms household was up and trying to cope with the crying and sleeplessness of their little ones.  We woke late, stumbled up the stairs to cheery children in footie pajamas and the aroma of toast and coffee.  After a leisurely breakfast and more visiting, we said our good-byes and carried two jars of homemade jelly to the car!
Driving north, Walter and I debriefed on our experiences, marveling at the variety of people and diverse ministries we are to oversee with Healing Hearts Ministry.  Thankfully, the driving time between communities gave us the chance to refocus and prepare for the next experience we had ahead of us.
At home, I often feel guilty for not being more busy and involved in the local ministry.  But those times are like a camel drinking in the vital water of the oasis before heading out on a long and somewhat unpredictable journey.  When we are away, I don't have the lengthy times for Bible reading and prayer.  I don't have the alone-time to recharge.  So I am learning to pace  myself, to call on the Lord and trust in what He has stored in my heart of His Word and His refreshing presence.  And when I am going full-out in spending time with people and in travel, I need to learn to pull from the resources I have from my oasis times at home!
Psalm 63:1 "O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You;
my soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water."
Lord, teach me to draw deeply from Your living water and learn to pace myself when we are on the road!  Keep me near You when the land seems dry and I am growing weary.  Refresh my spirit and replenish what we give out in ministering to Your servants in our care.  In Jesus' Name, Amen.