The plane touched down on the tarmac of the Lester B. Pearson Airport in Toronto and glided to a stop.  With only carry-on luggage, Walter and I slipped quickly from the plane and took the moving sidewalks and series of escalators until we found the rental car parking lot.  We jumped into the bright red Elantra and zipped into late morning traffic.  Our stomachs growled, reminding us that we left Regina at 6:15 am with no breakfast.  After a 2 1/2 hour flight, we were hungry.  Being lunch time now in Toronto, we stopped in at the first place that grabbed our attention:  Swiss Chalet!

Being in no rush now, we made our way on the 400 north to Muskoka country.  The further away from the GTA (Greater Toronto Area), the less the amount of traffic.  Once north of Barrie, it was like the terrain changed and it transformed from the hectic pace to the cottage country atmosphere.  Ahhhhhhhhh.........
We came out to Huntsville for our dear friend and coworker's father's memorial service.  Ken and Debbie Matthews are missionaries with us in Healing Hearts (they minister in Nipawin, SK) and Ken's dad passed away on Father's Day.  As mentioned in the blog before, we got this call and God so arranged the circumstances that we were free to fly out for the service.  As we enjoyed the scenic surroundings and spent time with the Matthews' family, we did feel the blessings and grace of God.
In addition to the ministry part of our trip, we were able to spend time with Ken and Debbie, touring some spots that were memorable to them as they grew up and began their married life in Huntsville.  It is always enlightening to be in someone's hometown and see the places where God worked in their lives.  It gave us a deeper appreciation and insight into who our friends are.
As a bonus, we got to meet our daughter's boyfriend's parents, the Deanes, who live in Bracebridge, just 20 minutes from Huntsville.  We also spent some time with good friends in Aurora. On Sunday, we reconnected with a supporting church in Richmond Hill, having the opportunity to share in the adult learning class and at a young adult meeting in the evening.  All the details clicked and we were able to visit with folks and update them on Caylea's health situation as well as the recent wood shop fire.
Psalm 25:10 seemed to encapsulate this particular trip.
"All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies."
Our trips are the paths the Lord directs us on and He is guiding us by His steadfast love and faithfulness.  He is so good to us.  I will continue to trust Him.

It has been quite a week!
Father's Day went very well and it was a great celebration with our church family and the gourmet hot dogs (with toppings like chili, cheese, hot peppers and sauerkraut) were a hit!
Then we went to my step-brother and his wife's home for a BBQ and had a fun visit.
Sadly, we got a message that one of our Healing Hearts missionaries in Nipawin lost his father.
Monday brought an answer to our prayers:  Caylea got the call that her next surgery will be Thursday, June 30!  So we know that next step and can move forward.  Also,Walter was able to sell Dad's tractor to a fellow from Moosomin, SK who is setting up a museum and beginning to collect items. He paid full asking price and hauled it away.  The old tractor was running and in fine form!
That evening, the kids and I took Walter out for his own Father's Day meal and he chose Sushi!  That was a new and fun experience for me (although everyone else has been out for Sushi many times).
Tuesday dawned with an early morning phone call-the woodworking shop behind our ministry had caught fire about 5 am and the fire department had it out!  But we jumped out of bed and quickly dressed to go see what happened!  Fortunately no one was hurt, no other buildings had significant damage and it wasn't suspected as arson.  Praise the Lord!
Today is Wednesday, and amidst the insurance adjuster and details around the fire, we also are preparing to travel to Ontario to attend the memorial service for our coworker's father.  We fly out early tomorrow morning, rent a car and spend a couple days there with the Matthews' family.  While we are out there, we will visit and share in one of our long-time supporting churches in Richmond Hill.  All things seemed to work out and we know Who has the ability and wisdom to put such details together!
So as I take these few quiet moments to blog, I take a deep breath before packing up our bags and thinking about this trip to Ontario.
This week is certainly a testament to God's sovereign hand on our lives, our schedule, the details of surgery dates and provisions of all we need.  I feel like I am learning over and over to "Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." (Psalm 62:8)
GOD IS SO GOOD!

Tomorrow is Father's Day and I am leading worship at our service in the morning.
How do we bring hope to those who have had no father, or an absentee father or an abusive father?  This day can be more painful than celebratory for many in the community of north-central Regina.  And many of our missionaries in Healing Hearts face that same challenge when planning to celebrate these events like Mother's Day, Valentine's Day and even Christmas.  So many of these family and religious holidays are filled with drunkenness, loneliness and disappointment.
And a few of us have lost our dads and will have those bitter-sweet memories and the emptiness as we celebrate and grieve this year.
So we have sought to recreate community and family within the local church body to help people heal and be able to enjoy special occasions in a new and healthy way.
How do we do this?
By addressing the pain.  We don't sugar-coat that some fathers have hurt their children. That some husbands have abandoned their families.  But only by facing it, talking about it and eventually being able to forgive and move past the hurt can we all be free to truly celebrate the husbands and fathers who are doing their best to be faithful and loving!
So we give room and opportunity to share the realities of our hurts and also honour the Dads in our midst.  We usually call to the front the fathers present at the Sunday service, give them gifts and say a special prayer of blessing over them.  And of course we share a meal after the service - and this year is "Gourmet Hot Dogs" with all the fixings!
And one of the things we do focus on is that no matter how our earthly fathers were or were not involved in our lives, we have a Heavenly Father who will never leave us, never forsake us, who is faithful and loving, patient and just.  He is the perfect and all-powerful Father who takes good care of His children.
I pray that as I consider the music for tomorrow, that God will lead me to choose songs and say the words in between that will bring life and healing for those who struggle with a father-wound.  He is the ultimate Healer of our hearts...
HAPPY FATHERS' DAY to the fathers out there...and to God our Father, who deserves all honour and glory and praise!

                                                         My Dad and Me - 1970 (?)

I rummaged in my closet for the day pack I bought in Orlando, Florida three years ago.  Then I tucked a bit of cash, a bottle of water and my cell phone into the zippered sections of the pack.  With posters and scotch tape in hand, Walter and I drove over to the exhibition grounds.
Walking through the maze of huge farming implements and through several halls of booths and exhibitors, we finally found the section housing "Antique Tractors & Toys".  The smell of kerosene fuel and the boom and clang of an old engine drew us to the exhibits.  This to me is the heart of the Farm Progress Show (held every June since I remember...back when I was in school we would take a day off and spend it at the event).  And the antique tractors are where my Dad would hang out with his restored and running 1945 McCormick!
So we wandered through the old tractors, and stopped at the model/toy displays.  Walter got chatting with the fellow and made a connection with a potential guy who knows about "babbetts" on Walter's 1928 Dodge Brothers car.  Its like time stands still as you mosey and visit.  We stopped by an old engine that a man was nursing along and then finally shut down.  We talked with him for twenty minutes at least and he showed us pictures of the museum and old buildings they are setting up in Riceton, SK.  He took one of our posters; he gave us a business card.
Then we finally found a space near the entrance and taped the picture onto the cinderblock wall.
"For Sale"- 1945 McCormick tractor.  Good Rubber.  2,995 OBO  306-565-2678"
And the picture shows my Dad sitting on the tractor, wearing a cap and jacket, after he had driven in one of the "Antique Tractor" parades in a Farm Progress Show in the past!
We hope to sell the tractor, as it is being stored in Dad's friend's quonset out near Grand Coulee. There's really no one in our immediate family with the space or inclination to keep such an item, even though it would be neat to keep it in the family.
We shall wait and see...
Finishing our business in Hall #13, we made our way back to the other exhibits and Walter bought himself a black leather belt and a charging unit that has amazing applications!  I ate a pulled pork sandwich.  Walter took one look at the Subway line up and immediately walked the other way!  Eventually, we saw everything of interest to us and headed to the exit of the grounds.  By the time we reached our car, parked on Dewdney Avenue, we had walked 7,300 steps.  Nice!

Its been another emotional day.
Walter and I were able to accompany Caylea to the appointment at the cancer clinic this morning.  The news we hoped to hear was no signs of cancer anywhere else...
and that is what we heard!!!
The PET scan showed nothing discernible and so the next step is surgery to remove the remaining lymph nodes on her right side under the arm.  Although she's not thrilled with the prospect of this surgery experience so soon, I think we all accept this is the best course of action.
Following her surgery and some recovery time, she will need treatments of either immunotheraphy or Interferon for a year.
So this is all good news and yet we know these will be challenging months ahead.  The first month will likely be daily intravenous doses (Monday-Friday).  Then the remaining months will be self-administering doses by injection.  The side-effects will be fatigue and flu-like symptoms. which should diminish as the treatments carry on over the months.
Lord, we set our hope on You.  As our friend who persevered through ovarian cancer shared with us, it is not the surgeons, oncologists, the drugs, treatments or surgeries but the Lord who heals.  He can anoint with His healing balm and pour in the oil and the wine.  He can restore by His grace.
As I come to the end of this day, I praise the Lord.
There is nothing more I can do nor that I need to do.
He has it all in His hands.
We hope to know by her appointment this Friday with Dr. Kurtz when the surgery will take place.  We'll update as we know anything more...

The notation on the calendar says "PET Scan Saskatoon 1 pm".
Today, Caylea is traveling from Nipawin with her boyfriend, Kevin, to Saskatoon for the scan she is booked for by the cancer clinic.  At first I assumed her dad and I would be taking her up for the procedure.  But as plans took shape, Kevin would be preaching at a church in Nipawin on Sunday and Caylea would accompany him up there.  They have lots of options for people to stay with, and then they would proceed to Saskatoon for the scan and come back to Regina Monday night.
This cancer journey is hard.  It is filled with unknowns, questions, fears, challenges and myths.
It would be easier if it were happening to me!
But another part of this journey as it is happening to my daughter, is the "letting go".
A PET scan is short for Positron Emission Tomography.  Caylea will at first be given an IV of radiactive sugar, that will show up in the areas of her body where the cells are more active or have a higher" metabolic activity" than normal.  ( I am taking this information directly from the Saskatoon Health Region website.)  The doctor here at the Allan Blair Cancer Centre referred her to have this scan before making any declarations of staging the cancer or prescribing treatment.
So as we wait for results, I am learning to let go.
Let go of my desire/need to control and give direction to my daughter's life.
She can drive, make adult plans, sit through a 2-3 hour scan.
She took the information, including phone number, and instructions to prepare for the scan (such as fasting 6 hours before, not to get chilled during the 2 days before the scan).  Kevin is a great driver and navigator - after all, he was the chief driver and navigator for the drama tour team Caylea was on all last fall and winter.  If he brought Caylea back safely from New York City, I think we can trust him to find Saskatoon University Hospital!
At times like these, when a mom just wants to be part of the comforting and supporting, I have to trust that Jesus is all she needs.  I think of the proverb "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." (22:6)  Walter and I have trained Caylea, hopefully instilling in her lifeskills, confidence and faith.  We have pointed her in the direction we thought she would be suited for in life and now we need to let her launch.  I don't think any parent feels they have taught enough, demonstrated enough, lectured enough, prayed enough!
But Jesus is enough.
He is more than enough for this cancer journey.
And maybe the letting go is part of my journey in growing up, too!

I knew it would happen.
I hit the "pit".
I know why.  I feel like I couldn't really avoid it.  Even if I duck and swerve, the inevitable emotional, physical and mental strain was bound to become a "pit" in my journey.
So I felt myself becoming exhausted, tired of people, tired of dealing with the stress of the surgeries and recoveries and the unknowns.Tired of cooking and keeping up.  Tired of my own expectations of myself.
I wanted to run away, to ignore everyone and everything!
Instead, I escaped to our backyard and opened Psalm 30.  I felt the words wash over me.  I saw certain phrases jump out and speak to me.  The psalmist even made reference to the pit, to Sheol.  He knew what I was feeling.  God knew what I was feeling and knew what I needed.
"O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol; You restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit."
Even today, this morning, I feel the shadows of discouragement and weariness.  I see the lovely morning sunshine and blue sky and feel some hope rising.  I want to be strong and not faint during this time for my daughter and husband.  I don't like to ask for help!  But I know I can't do this long term on my own.  So I reach out...
Today I've been invited to a friend's for tea.
Tomorrow I have a lunch appointment downtown.
Thank You, Lord for lifting me up and blessing me with support.
"I will extol You, O Lord, for You have drawn me up and have not let my foes rejoice over me."
The "pit" becomes a "pothole" when the Lord is near.
He has given me strength for another day.