I am sitting on my bed, propped up by pillows and leaning against the headboard.  I can survey the big project I accomplished this past week from this vantage point and I feel pretty pleased. What's the big deal?  
About 18 months ago, Vivian, one of my co-labourers in Christ within Healing Hearts, lost her mother.  Maria Joyea Shepherd had lived into her 70's and had many children and a wide influence over her lifetime.  We attended her wake and funeral out on Whitebear First Nation.  One of the traditions at the funeral service was to have a "give-away", where after the feast, family members bring out blankets, bedding and other gifts to be given to guests who participated.  A huge pile of assorted quilts, fleece blankets, sheet sets, even towels and bathrobes were heaped in the centre of the large community hall.  Everyone was seated around this pile in two or three rows of chairs.  About 100 people must have been in attendance, maybe more.
Because many of us from Healing Hearts were involved in the service, whether as support to Vivian and her husband, Nick, or singing Gospel music or serving as pall bearer or helping in the kitchen, several of us were called forward to choose an item from the centre.  Walter and I were called forward separately, and I felt kind of sheepish to choose two items.  So I chose a smaller package, while Walter randomly grabbed a larger plastic bag with a handle.  We sat back down and tucked our items under our seats, not wanting to appear too greedy.  But others had opened theirs so we decided to see what we had chosen.
My small package was a lavender, terry bathrobe, very soft and cozy looking!  I was quite pleased with it and felt honoured to receive a lovely gift for the small part I had offered in singing.  Then Walter opened the larger item and it was a beautiful store-bought quilt in blue, brown, rust and tan colours.  As I looked more closely, I realized it had pillow shams, as well, all in a geometric Native design.  Walter nodded and acknowledged the gift, but he wasn't as excited as I was.  I could envision this on our bed, to replace the fraying bedspread I currently had.
Shortly after we arrived back home, I began to plan the redecoration of our bedroom.  After living in our four-level split home for over 14 years, our bedroom was the last to see any personal decorating touches of our own.  It was still painted beige, very yellowed looking, with the original grey carpet, now quite worn and matted down where we walked.
So about a month later, Walter decided we would replace the carpet with laminate flooring in a beige, brown, marble design, which would look nice with the new quilt set.  I took off the baseboards and painted them white just to spruce things up.  We had a nice start to our remodel.  Then a week later, I was called in for my gall bladder surgery.  So no more painting the woodwork or walls as I had planned!
Fast forward through our son's wedding, a busy summer at Bible camps and then into September, when my Dad took sick and was hospitalized those four months before passing away.  Finishing our bedroom was quite low on the priority list.
Until last week...in the lull before summer crazy and vacation and camp, I saw a window of opportunity and went for it!  I had already bought the paint, so all I needed was some muscle to help move furniture-Walter obliged!  And in two days, I had not only painted but cleaned, sorted and got ride of a load of "stuff" to Sally Ann!
Now as I lean back and admire the fresh tan/taupe "sandy pecan" walls and enjoy the way the colours in the bedspread are enhanced by the oak furniture and blue curtains on the window, I can pat myself on the back for a job well done.
But then I remember why I received such a lovely gift, and I'm saddened because of Vivian's loss.  But this quilt will remind me of her and I can take pleasure in the inspiration it gave to the colour scheme and the satisfaction of a finished project.
Thank you, Maria!

Have you ever felt so tired that...
you can hardly sit up straight?
your eyelids droop and eyelashes feel too heavy to lift?
you can't laugh because it takes too much energy?
you can't cry because you have nothing left?
I am that tired today.  After a wake on Friday an hour and a half from Regina and coming home to get six hours of sleep before rising to drive back out for the funeral Saturday, I am tired from lack of sleep.  While at the funeral, I was asked to help prepare food for the meal to follow the burial.  Two of us were in the kitchen; then a couple more ladies joined in and a third whipped up a batch of fried bannock.  It was fun; it was exhausting!
When the soup was simmering and the other food prepared and waiting, I was able to join Walter in the gym as the funeral service was underway.  The fatigue stole its way from my shoulders down to my aching feet.  The soft spoken voice of Junior, son of the deceased, took all my energy to hear what he had to say. I was sad.  But I couldn't cry.
I felt blessed and honoured to serve in the kitchen for Richard, known as Hot Shot.  When the final package of food was given away and the last crumb wiped from the counter, I grabbed my own box of leftovers and got into my car.  I drove all the way back to the city, listening mindlessly to the radio.  But the day wasn't over~a birthday barbecue for my step-mom.
I slept well and woke feeling rested.  A cup of coffee and bowl of oatmeal energized me for church.  Thankfully, the Lord gives strength when we have none and I felt His ability in me.  I enjoyed helping lead worship and as we ended with a fast-paced song, "Victory Chant", I felt great!
Somehow I made it through a sermon, then our Annual General Meeting.  Then a pastor's meeting and finally we drove home at 3 pm.
But the day wasn't over~staff windup barbecue at Strasbourg Bible Camp.  The quiet drive in the countryside, through the rain, was both restful and soothing...so soothing we wondered how we'd make it through another social event!
Again, we engaged with our dear partners in the ministry and enjoyed a delicious steak supper with salads, watermelon, and S'More-tillas!  The clouds, lapping lakewater and kids gave us joy and we spent a lovely time together.  As we drove the hour back home again, it felt like the last leg of a long distance marathon and we could see the finish line, the skyline of Regina.
We made it.
It took my last ounce of motivation to change into pajamas and turn on my laptop...
So tired I can only thank the Lord Jesus for His blessings and collapse into bed.
Tomorrow we are taking a day in the pasture, our Monday off...
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul."

Part of the counseling ministry of "Caring for the Heart" is praying.  As counselors, we were encouraged to pray with the hurting person and lead them in specific prayers.  I was really excited about this because I am passionate about prayer and the power of God to heal as we seek Him.
What was unique about this approach was if the person was stuck in their pain and struggling to pray, the counselor could ask Jesus, "Can you show ______ a picture of his/her heart when this pain was happening?"  And many times, that person would see a picture, or maybe a word or phrase that revealed emotionally what they couldn't identify with words alone.
Some saw walls of steel.
Some saw a picture of Jesus with His arms extended to embrace them.
Others saw a child cowering and crying.
In processing the conference at home, Walter and I prayed together about what God was showing us. We were seeking how the Lord could help us apply what we heard to ourselves before trying to use this approach in counselling others.
And while we were praying, I saw my heart, very plump and red, but enclosed in a wooden box.  As I shared this picture with Walter, we tried to examine it with discernment.  What did this mean?  He asked me for more details and I realized I could see the heart through the top of the box, so the lid was gone.  I took that to mean I was open to the Lord, not trying to hide my heart from Him.  That gave me joy!
Then I realized two sides were actually open towards myself, from where I observed, and to my right. I took that to mean I was beginning to share my heart with Walter and myself (we are one) but I knew I was still blocking from some people in my life.
The word I came away with from last week is HOPE~there is no one beyond Jesus' kindness and there is no problem too huge for Jesus' healing.

I just spent 35 hours in class last week for a counseling conference...I didn't think my brain (or my seat) could handle that much information!
In all seriousness, the "Caring for the Heart" seminar was a rich and valuable time to hone our skills in reaching the hurting with the power and grace of Christ.  What did I learn?
*I learned I am still a work in progress.
*Most people's problems fall into three categories:
1.  Emotional Issues
2.  Spiritual (sin) Issues
3.  Enemy (occult) Issues
*There is hope for issues to be resolved, not just exposed and left hanging.
*Jesus Christ is the Healer of our hearts.
As we heard the wisdom of two former pastors-turned-counselors, both Walter and I felt affirmed in our vision to bring the healing touch of Jesus to wounded hearts.  This is the vision statement of our own ministry and God seemed to speak to us that we have been on the right track.  What impacted us the most was the steps to bring freedom to people through repentance of our sins, forgiveness to those who have hurt us and to take our authority in Christ as believers over the darkness.  These steps were not something brand new to us but the simple truth was presented in clear ways that gave us hope.
Hearing testimonies of those who have gone through this counseling path was very inspiring.
The stories of these men and the changes God has brought into their own lives and marriages was especially encouraging for Walter and me.  Since we have spent 25 years ministry and as a married couple, it was refreshing to hear.  We want to connect with each other more deeply and intimately in our next 25!  And we long to be more effective in our ministry and be able to share liberating truth to all those we meet and love.
The downside of this conference is that we began to feel guilty for the mistakes we've made and the impact our own issues has had on our family.  I know Walter jokes that when our kids feel they need some counseling, we owe it to them to pay for the first few sessions!  Truthfully, we needed to confess our parental sins and then forgive ourselves.  The same grace we want to extend to others we need to give ourselves, as well.
No counseling philosophy or program is the ultimate answer or magic formula.  We simply hope to absorb what is useful and profitable for our ministry and apply it as God leads us.
"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Philippians 1:6

Friday nights...
Many people spend the weekends catching up on housework, yard work, cooking and cleaning. Weekends are for leisure time and sleeping in, right?
Oh, and when we were young, it was all about staying up late, hanging out with friends and letting loose after a week of school!
But I must say, this Friday night my son was hosting an LOTR marathon (Lord of the Rings for the uninformed like me!) at our house.  Starting at 6:30 pm, the marathon began and soon our family room was filled with many young adults all under 30.  My friend rescued me for a couple hours of shopping and Tim Horton's but I returned and thought I'd join the movie watching.
I made it through a half hour of the second movie and it was after 11 pm...way past my bedtime!
By midnight, I was searching for earplugs to block out the surround sound.
So much for my marathon!
And then up at 7:30 am on the Saturday morning.  When I could sleep in, I cannot!  Instead of relaxing, I was out for an early morning walk.  Then coffee on the new patio set while the rest of the young people were sleeping blissfully.
No, Friday nights are now a time for relaxing at home after a week of activity, not a time to get fired up!  And Saturdays are for catching up on work around home, not sleeping all day!
Don't get me started on Saturday nights!
How can these young people be up all Friday night and then do it all again Saturday night?
No, Saturdays are now time to prepare for Sunday morning worship service, be in p.j.'s early and get a good night's sleep!
Well, this is a Saturday night and I am okay with being middle-aged and free to go to bed early.  The cool thing is, all my friends are doing it, too!
See ya in church tomorrow morning!

What could be more important than writing for this blog?
Well, actually, quite a few things in life are more important than writing blog articles but to be specific, I have been preoccupied.  Traveling to a conference in Rock Nest Ranch Bible Camp, B.C. and then visiting missionaries and connecting with the Selke family in Edmonton and area.  And of course, once back home, Walter and I immediately threw our energies into preparations for our big anniversary celebration.
How did we prepare?
Walter spent several hours a day in the garage working on his 1928 Dodge Bros. sedan, hoping to have it running for June 1.
I bought groceries, planted annuals in pots and flower beds and cleaned the house.
Sometimes all our best laid plans don't come to fruition.
Sometimes the outcome has hidden blessings.
Our friend, Larry, is a heavy-duty mechanic.  He caught wind of Walter's project car and offered his services.  At first I thought it was just the obsession of these two guys to get this car done; then I realized Walter had really hoped to have it finished for Sunday so he could drive me to church for the renewing of our vows for our 25th anniversary.  I was so blessed and humbled to know of my sweetheart's desire to do something so special for me!  And that Larry would sacrifice his off-hours helping with the carburetor and other odds and ends that Walter needed.
Meanwhile, I was busy trying to get the yard spruced up.  We had been away when people are usually doing yard work and so I was behind! I got the last of the bedding plants in before the rain and was pleased with the results.  Then I moved indoors and planned the menu and the set-up for the BBQ.
Another blessing came in the form of our good friends, Don and Elaine, offering to come early and begin cooking the burgers and organizing the kitchen.  I was so happy to have that pressure taken off so we could enjoy our guests.
Saturday morning dawns and Walter and Larry race against the clock to have the Dodge starting and running without leaks.  Excitedly, Walter drives down the driveway and I run out to take pictures of this maiden voyage.  He motions and I jump in the car.  We sputter and start along Cormorant Drive, stall at the intersection but get going again on Jenkins Drive.  Kids run out and wave to us, men look in awe and ladies turn to look and then turn back to their tasks.  We made it back home but determine she's not running well enough to make it to church and back.
Sunday morning dawns grey and rainy.  All the work on the backyard seems in vain as we go to plan B-host the BBQ inside.  And I hadn't really done much housework.  Oh, well!  Soon enough, there will be so many people that they won't notice some dust and dirt.
The beauty of the day was those special moments in front of the church, with our children standing with us, as we spoke the vows to one another.  How blessed we are to have Pastor Bob lead us and pray with our leadership team over us!
Then after church, we rush home to our BBQ fired up, the kitchen well in hand and sixty-five people eventually filling up every available chair!  Relatives, friends and church family came to support us and celebrate with us.  We had plenty of food, delightful laughter and some special gifts.
The hidden blessings are really not so hidden as we realize we are rich with family and friends willing to cram into our home, some driving an hour or two in order to share in our special day.
The car wasn't quite ready; the weather did not cooperate.  But our celebration went on...
And so will we ~ for at least another 25 years!