Weariness.

Have we all felt that heavy, leaden weight of weariness?  That deep exhaustion that depletes all life and energy?  Not just a physical tiredness that results from a good day's work, but a weariness of soul that sucks hope from within.

Weariness can be so overwhelming that we can wish to crawl into our safe beds and never come out again to face our world.

Surviving the second year of a pandemic, we can lose the sense of hope for a normal world.  We can become so discouraged that we just shrug our shoulders and say "What's the point?  Why even try?"  

This morning I was spending my quiet time with the Lord, feeling tired physically because we have been up late and having lots of family fun for the holidays!  The verse of the day was Psalm 23:3a "He restores my soul."  I had to slow myself down, settle my thoughts and will my body to stop.  I could then meditate on the words of Scripture.  I realized I have been going hard for the past while.  Not just preparing for Christmas, or traveling for our ministry but "going hard" dealing with change, new roles, spiritual battles and personal pain!  Add to that the restrictions imposed by vaccine/no vaccine and navigating the realities of our cross-Canada ministry, I was feeling overwhelmed.  And weary.

What if nothing goes back to normal?  What if many around me continue to live in fear of the COVID-19 virus and all its variants?  What if I succumb to the fears around me and just want to hide?  The devil would love for me to give in to fear and make decisions based on others' opinions.  But both Walter and I have determined to base any and all decisions we make personally and for our ministry based on the truth, on God's Word.  We will seek the Lord to guide us clearly and not move forward on any decision unless we sense His leading and the peace that accompanies God's wisdom.  

We will carry on in 2022.

The news may burden us with statistics and the interviews may influence us with their narrative.  But God's Word will never fail us.  His truth will override any mere human perspective on a pandemic, on politics or anything else affecting life on earth.  When God promises that He is in control, I believe Him!  I have hope because God knows the future and He can override rulers, powers and human decisions by His authority.  I have nothing to fear except my own foolishness and weakness.  And even in that He give me grace: He forgives my foolishness and provides strength for my weakness.  

If you are feeling weary, look to the God of Heaven.  He has sent His Son to be our Rescuer.  He has sent the Holy Spirit to guide us and reside right within our weary soul!  May you experience His rest, His presence, His peace and His awesome power to overcome the weight of worry and fear.  

"He restores my soul."  Psalm 23:3a

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11: 28

 The last couple of mornings at home have been pure delight.  

Cup of coffee, natural gas "wood" stove on, Christmas tree lights creating ambience as I listen to a devotional.  Luke chapter 1.  The pre-Christmas events leading up to the birth of the baby Jesus.

I have read and re-read this account.   Pastor Bill has ministered with daily devotionals and gives leadership to at least two or maybe three Churches in the Yorkton area.  Some of the insights he shared have really blessed me as I focus on preparing my heart for  Christmas.

Gabriel appeared to Zechariah.  Who would have guessed that while Zechariah was going about his normal duties at the temple, he was chosen by lot to offer the incense.  The burning of incense was part of the worship, symbolizing the prayers of God's people rising up to Him.  I never noticed before that when the angel spoke to Zechariah, he said, "Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard..." (Luke 1:13).  So what was Zechariah praying?

We assume he was praying for a son.  And yet, the announcement of Elizabeth becoming pregnant and having a son did not produce the joy or assurance we would expect.  

Was he praying the rote prayers of the Jewish faith?  Maybe he was reciting the psalms and the ritual words repeated by every priest.  But the angel specifically acknowledged that Zechariah's prayer had been heard...what prayer?

I am not that knowledgeable about the Jewish religious practices, but I know that the one prayer that was always offered, the one longing of every believing Hebrew, is for the Messiah.  The One promised to deliver Israel.

In promising a child to Zechariah and Elizabeth, this was part of the fulfillment of the coming of the Messiah.  Their son was a miracle.  And he wasn't going to be named for his father or any other family name.  The angel declared he would be named "John."  He would turn many in Israel toward the coming Messiah and prepare the way.  

An answer to prayer!  John would be born and then the Messiah would come!

Pastor Bill also shared the appearance of Gabriel to Mary, the mother of Jesus.  He noted how Zechariah was doubtful of the angel's pronouncement that he and Elizabeth would bear a son in their old age.  He bore a consequence for doubting: silence for the duration of the pregnancy!  To contrast, Mary responded with a question about "how" she could become pregnant when she was still a virgin.  She did not doubt God, but wondered at the logistics.  She wanted to be part of  the Lord's plan for the redemption of Israel.  She surrendered.  She trusted.

The Christmas story will never grow old to me!  I hope you also, find great joy in the mystery of the Incarnate Christ, the Son of God and son of man.

 Well, I haven't finished writing and sending my Christmas cards..

I haven't bought a single Christmas present.

Apart from our tree being up and decorations in place, I just haven't done much in the spirit of the holiday season.  But as I am at this moment in Prince Albert finishing up the last Executive meeting of 2021 and other responsibilities for NCEM, I need to stay focused on the tasks at hand.

Tomorrow, we will celebrate at a "South American Fiesta" Christmas party with our NCEM headquarters staff.  We have gone to one other holiday event, yet somehow I still feel outside the typical build up to Christmas.

I think one reason for the unusual feelings is that our son, Daniel is getting married on January 1!  We are thinking of his big day, our part in preparing smoked pork ribs and invest in the wedding festivities.  So we have pared down our usual Christmas day gifts and abundance of baking and special dishes.  Our focus is on this once in a lifetime celebration for Daniel and Michaela.  

I think once I am home and can set aside formal ministry, then I will be able to concentrate and get in the spirit of Jesus' birth.  I am participating in our church Christmas Eve service and leading worship on Sunday (Boxing Day). That'll be so wonderful!  and with keeping our Christmas celebrations simpler this year, I will have more time and emotional resources to just enjoy.

My longing is for quiet moments to think on Christ.  To read Scripture, to enjoy Christmas carols and to focus on prayer for family and friends is my heart's desire.  So having less to do these next two weeks will leave me more energy for the wedding!  

I'm pretty sure Jesus is okay with my revised priorities this year.  He is pleased when we are at peace and find our rest and joy in Him.  Lord, help me lean on You!

 Advent is one of my favourite seasons of the Christian calendar.

Why?

This year I am finding myself quite off-kilter as I anticipate Advent and Christmas.  Walter and I have experienced so many changes in our "normal" in the past year that I am having to re-examine why for a lot of things.

Why am I in the ministry?  Why do I find change difficult?  Why do I like people and hate computers?  Why do I like church?  Why do I enjoy music, writing, baking, birds, flowers?  Why do we live where we live and do what we do?

So as I see some snow on the ground and hear Christmas carols playing in the grocery store, I am feeling out of sorts from the usual excitement of the holidays.  Because what we used to do in the Advent season is now a thing of our past.  Our familiar traditions are being replaced by new ones.  Embracing the new means stripping away the former and prioritizing what was important about the old.  What do I keep from my traditional Christmas habits and rituals?  What can I remove, let fall by the wayside as I experience a new church body and our new additions to our family?

Why has Advent been a treasured tradition to me?

I love decorating our home and the Christmas tree.  The dining room we built on our house is transformed from the Thanksgiving fall theme to a twinkling, green and red extravaganza!  We play familiar Christmas CD's or albums on my phone through a Bluetooth speaker.  We reminisce of Christmases past when children were little and sometimes repair ornaments that have been well-loved over the years!  The memories we have made stir up joy and love.

I love when our family is together.  Our Christmas plans are different every year, but at some point our kids will congregate here.  We will add a daughter-in-law on New Year's Day so that is something new and beautiful to anticipate!  Extended family usually join us for some festivities and it is a blessing to use our home for the ministry of hospitality.  The food, the laughter, the movies and the games we play are annual traditions that are especially part of our family celebrations.

But of course, my favourite part of Christmas is the reason we celebrate:  JESUS.

When my mom and sister and I lived in Kisbey, we started a tradition that I have continued.  We made a series of letters that spell "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" out of old Christmas cards and strung them on yarn or string.  We hung it in the living room of our mobile home.  I think since our first or second Christmas, Walter and I have hung our own birthday sign in a prominent place.  Occasionally people will come into our home and ask "Who's birthday is it?"  Then when it dawns on them that it is Jesus' birthday, they go, "Oh, right!"  It is a wonderful reminder of why we celebrate this holiday.

"I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about You, all about You, Jesus..." (Matt Redman)

"Jesus, be the center; be my source, be my life, Jesus.  Jesus, be the center, be my hope, be my song, Jesus.  Be the fire in my heart, be the wind in these sails, be the reason that I live - Jesus, Jesus.    Jesus, be my vision, be my path, be my guide, Jesus."  (Michael Frye)

Yes, I am holding on to Jesus in the midst of the changes and new traditions flooding my life.  I am holding on to the blessing of my husband and family as we continue to build new memories.  And I am going to give and serve and sing and rejoice with the church family God has given us because it is all about JESUS!

 I ran into someone Walter and I have known for over twenty-five years, just as I was going about my errands and appointments today.  He asked how we were doing and what we were up to now.  This guy used to be a bus driver and now is working for Canada Post.  Over the years, we have done many funerals for his relatives.  He and some of his family are Christians and many of them are musical.   Our conversation got me thinking... 

As I filled him in on our lives and our new ministry responsibilities with NCEM, he asked us where we go to church now.  When I asked him where he was involved, he shrugged and told me "No where."

He told me how disillusioned he was with churches and with religion.  He felt that many preachers were over-emphasizing hell and using fear to drive people.  What about God's love and mercy?

As we talked, I got the distinct impression that this man was looking for excuses to not attend church or not use his gift of music to serve the Lord.  I agreed with some of his points, but wondered if he was adjusting his beliefs because he found the spiritual walk with Christ too hard.  Was he watering down the Gospel message to suit himself and those around him?

So here's what I was thinking after I drove away from northcentral Regina: "...the love of many will grow cold."  (Matthew 24:12b)

Following Jesus is not an easy thing.  If it was, everybody would be doing it!  For those in First Nations culture, the Christian way means giving up spiritual practices of their culture.  It means being ridiculed for accepting "Whiteman's religion".  It means turning away from lifestyles that may have included gang life, addictions, abuse, criminal activity and broken relationships that hold back from healthy choices.

Following Jesus for ANYBODY involves these things.  If anyone wants to be a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, they must "deny themselves "(Matthew 16:24), and give up their old way of life.  The fact is, our "old ways" do not bring us peace, do not relieve us of our guilt for sins and do not fix broken relationships.  So leaving behind useless and futile methods of coping with stress and struggle should actually be appealing!

The promise is that if we deny ourselves - in other words repent - we leave behind our heavy burden.  Sin is a burden.  Guilt, pain, regret, sorrow are all consequences of our sin.  We can't get rid of them no matter what psychological tricks we play on ourselves.  We can try to hide, mask our pain, sedate and medicate our guilt but we can never get rid of the burden.

Jesus said He can.  He promises to forgive us our sins when we confess them and repent of them.  "If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  (1 John 1:9)  

In the course of believing in Christ and accepting His offer of forgiveness and salvation, many people find the "following" part too hard.  Loving everyone, going to church, reading the Bible, avoiding temptation and giving up old friends and ways...many find it to be a bunch of rules...which becomes religion.

Too bad this guy who had once been a vibrant and dedicated member of a church, has now given up on  fellowship and chosen to be on the outside.  He may have been right in pointing out the faults and weaknesses of certain people who become harsh in their faith and presentation of the Gospel.  But if we give up on our church family and draw away, we become vulnerable to the enemy's attack.

"And then many will fall away and betray one another and hate one another.  And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray.  And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold."  (Matthew 24:10-12)

If we don't stay close to the Shepherd and hang out with the sheep, we do become easy prey for the wolf!  There will be wolves, false prophets, who teach things that aren't from the Bible.  They will water down the message of the Gospel by de-emphasizing hell, sin, the devil and many other very critical points of truth.  

"For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth..." (II Timothy 4:3 & 4)

And if we think we can continue to grow spiritually by having church at home, by learning online and doing our own research, we can surround ourselves with teachers who preach what suits us.  That's a dangerous place to be!  God gave us the church and pastors and each other so we can grow and be accountable.  We are protected by the Shepherd best when we stay in the fold!  And our faith will not grow cold but we will be warmed by others' faith, as well.

I am praying for our friend who I encountered today.  I hope he remembers our conversation and is motivated to get back into fellowship with God and His people.  

  THE RESIDENTIAL SCHOOL

        Expectation.  Trepidation.  Anticipation.

Feeling all of these things, we arrived at the Kamloops Indian Residential School.  The overcast sky captured our somber mood.  Not fully knowing what to expect, my husband, our friend Frank and myself turned into the driveway of the former institution that has captured the news headlines for months:  215 unmarked graves discovered.  Shocking and triggering for the families and survivors of an extremely dark period of Canada’s history.

The imposing red brick buildings stood against the Thompson River.  The main building from behind stood four or five stories high, with the upper floors containing windows that looked to have been original to the construction  back in 1890 and then rebuilt in 1923 after a fire.  Another white structure, that may have been a dormitory, stood apart from the main buildings, also looking like early 20th century architecture.  My eyes took in the sights; my heart searched for meaning.

Walter, Frank and I had stopped to pick up a bouquet of flowers.  We were preparing to take a video of Walter and Frank placing a bouquet near the monument.  But the First Nations lady who was cleaning the monument indicated we could set our offering on a table and she would see to it that it was placed there.  Others were bent or kneeling in fresh soil, arranging coloured stones in a circle.  Some large flat slabs of stone, painted orange, leaned against a tree, but I didn’t have time to read the black hand-written messages on them.  

This monument stood on the edge of a large, groomed soccer field.  

Behind us, the residential school stood, looking very sturdy.  It had been re-purposed by the Indigenous band for administrative use and for a museum.  We were not allowed in; everything was closed off to the public.

Anti-climactic.  

I am not sure what I was expecting.  But I was praying to be open to whatever God was going to say, however He was going to impress this place upon us.  

We had spent the morning listening to the son of a residential school survivor from northern Ontario.  His mother and two uncles had been kidnapped, taken by the RCMP and an Indian agent forcibly in order to attend school away from their home community.  His grandmother fought for them but being handicapped by a childhood accident, she had only one leg and a wooden crutch with which to defend her children.  She was charged with assault of a police officer and spent time in jail for her actions. (This son explained that he uses the term kidnapped, because when he would share that his mother went to residential school, his listeners would glaze over, having been desensitized.  I had felt the shock of his use of that word but it was true.  Agonizingly true.)

*G. gave a heart-wrenching narrative of his family history.  His mother and uncles attended school and did not return the same.  They each were beaten, abused, refused family visits and then released in their mid-teens. When G.’s mother came back to her home community, she had no idea how to live there.  No knowledge of family, culture or social cues. One day, she had gone to the Hudson Bay store to get groceries.  She met a white man there from the south, the city of Toronto, and shortly thereafter ended up marrying him.  She gave birth to six boys; G. made reference to a sister, also.  They lived in abject poverty as their dad was an alcoholic and their mother raised the children.  She had not learned how to be a wife and mother.  G.’s home life was filled with fear, anger, abuse and brokenness.

One by one, G. told the stories of his brothers.  He was the youngest, so he gave their stories as he recalled.  Addictions, violence, abuse, poverty, escape, murder, and mental illness are just some of the symptoms of the tragedies in their lives.  We followed the ups and downs of his journey through trauma after trauma.  He had to identify the body of his brother after another brother had stabbed him for beating up their father.  How does anyone survive this?

By nothing short of a miracle, he met his future wife when he was living in Sudbury with his brother. They were invited to a church and he only went because of the promise of a meal after the service.  G.  heard the Gospel through the testimony of someone who had met Jesus and been profoundly changed by that decision of faith.  He didn’t fully understand the message but was drawn to return to that church.  It didn’t hurt that the pastor had several pretty daughters, so he did come back for another service with mixed motives!

He eventually prayed to become a Christian and immediately felt joy and happiness.  But the pain he carried, the suppressed memories and unhealthy thought patterns would plague him through his journey.

As we listened to this testimony, all of us at this meeting were impacted.  Shock.  Grief.  Relating from our own life experiences.  Anger at the evil.  Frustration at abuse and no one stopping it!

And then Walter, Frank and I went to the site where those types of atrocities had happened. We were halfway across the country from G.’s community, but being there made the stories all the more real.  And then we were blocked from seeing inside the building or setting our own flowers at the memorial.  We weren’t sure what to do with all we had heard in the morning and all we had built up to express in some small way.  We walked back to the vehicle in the parking lot, having taken a few pictures, and then unceremoniously drove away.

G. opened his testimony with Scriptures from II Kings about Solomon and the ships that he had constructed.  They were built strong and sturdy, ready to sail off on the seas.  Their journey was successful and they brought back tons of gold for the nation of Israel.  In contrast, Solomon’s grandson, Jehoshaphat built a fleet of ships and also sent them off to acquire gold.  But they had barely been launched when they met with tragedy and sunk, completely unsuccessful in the purpose for which they were built.  

Some lives are like these ships.  They are designed for success and have all the great investment and support to succeed.  They accomplish the purposes for which they were created.  Others never have a chance.  They begin with potential but circumstances set them up for failure and destruction.  G.’s wife came from a loving and strongly Christian family.  She grew up safe and protected, given all the advantages of biblical principles and opportunities for success.  Her story included the detail that as a young girl, she felt compelled to pray for her future husband.  She began to ask God to protect him from drugs, alcohol and other temptations.  Knowing her parents would not allow her to even associate with such people, she wondered what kind of  man would become her husband and why would God lead her to someone who might be from that dark lifestyle!  But years later, G. would hear of her prayers and would say: “So you’re the reason I never had fun back then!”

I took a picture of a teddy bear and tiny shoes placed by a tree on the residential school property.  Although G.’s mother survived her years at the residential school, the damage done to her as a woman was never healed in her lifetime.  The ongoing effects of her pain rippled through her sons.  She married an abusive man and lived her days in fear and helplessness.  Her husband died from his alcoholism.  The last words he heard from his father were: “What the hell are you doing here?” (When G. visited his dad in the hospital on his deathbed.)  

G. attributes his life change, his successful marriage and family and career and ministry opportunities to his hope in the Lord Jesus Christ.  That’s it.  But the process of healing has been lengthy, with setbacks, but also much grace and courage.

Our hearts are touched.  There is hope.

 Wood smoke swirled in the windless morning air, while I sipped piping hot coffee.  I was settled in my comfy lawn chair, the type that has the side table that swings up and locks into place.  My Bible and journal lay open on my lap, waiting for the discoveries I would make in my time with the Lord.  Nothing but a glorious day ahead; no rushing to the next meeting or checking the time to prepare for the next meal.  Summer holidays!

What freedom we could enjoy.  Sleep as long as we can, eat when we are hungry, stare into the campfire or listen to the birds.  

We joked that we would be gone to our rustic cabin in the woods, with no amenities and no contact with the outside world!  In reality, we can get cell phone service and could normally use our phones to "hot spot" and get access to the internet.  But God made it possible for us to have a quiet break away from it all - the cell service was really poor and when we did get a phone call, it dropped part way through and we had to change locations to get better signal!  Truly, it was peaceful.

For entertainment, I brought crossword and word search books.  We listened to an audiobook or to the inspirational radio programs on CHAB each evening.  We took walks and went to the beach.  I brought a few DVD's to play on my laptop - which we did watch but rarely stayed awake long enough to finish a movie in one sitting!

Something we had never done before is bring our quad to the Qu'appelle Valley.  We have had wonderful adventures behind the NCEM headquarters property on Wildlife Management trails.  So for something different, we decided to haul the quad down and see what new sights we could see.  It started off pretty tame, following the groomed "Great Canada Trail" that runs from Sandy Beach to Katepwa Beach and beyond...but it is a well-traveled with many hikers, cyclists and golf cart-ers who also frequent the path.  And ever the explorer and pioneer, Walter's eye would wander up a "road not taken" and so we did venture off the beaten track.  

A couple of trails headed into ravines that looked inviting.  A few quad tracks led up the slopes of the valley, but they looked steep for a quad with two riders.  Eventually, we did take one path that looked relatively easy.  By the time we reached the summit, I had reached my limit!  Not a fan of heights to begin with, I dared to look out over the valley and the beautiful lake below and felt my heart race and knees turn to Jell-O!  So before Walter could turn back to descend the hill, I tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I think I'll just walk down!"

So I did!  I had nothing to prove and no pride to defend.  I'm a chicken and I know it!

Walter went down with no problem, riding the brake all the way down. I followed, still with my helmet on, looking ridiculous but feeling very relieved to be on foot.  The view was spectacular.  I rejoined my husband at the main trail and we continued on our way.

The next day or so, we decided to follow one of the ravines.  It started off in a pasture space, near a wonderful Saskatoon berry patch we picked last summer.  (By the way, the berries had been poor this year and we only found small and shriveled up ones on the bushes.  Disappointing.  We picked a couple of cups worth and I threw them into pancakes for breakfast.)  Then the tracks led into a more wooded area and we wound our way along the bottom of the ravine quite a ways.  A dry creek bed curved and curled and the track took us down through it.  I jumped off as Walter wasn't sure just how steep it was.  I happily followed behind and got back on the other side.  We forgot to turn on our cell phone app that tracks the distance and makes a map of our journeys so we're not sure how far this particular path went. It may have crossed the creek bed again somewhere, but we took the trail that looked most worn until it was a dead end.

Walter turned around at the end and we retraced our path.  Then we noticed a side trail and decided to see where it led.  We saw a slight rise but thought it looked safe so we pushed forward.  As the bush cleared and we reached the yellow prairie grasses, we realized it would continue to slope upward.  Hmmm.  It had been a successful trip last time, although I chickened out at the top, but I trusted Walter's handling of the machine.  And I thought I should face my fears.

What seems an easy slope from the bottom can become steeper before you know it!  As Walter geared down to make the last bit, the trail seemed to be at a slight right-leaning angle.  We didn't see the rock embedded at the edge of the leaning track and as the front wheel lifted over the rock, the quad tipped over to the right.  The front came up and we went over!

I know it's cliche, but everything seemed in slow motion.  I wasn't freaking out.  We weren't going very fast - in first gear - but I was going to have not only the quad but my husband landing on me!  I wasn't looking forward to the pain.  Surprisingly, I seemed to land mostly out from under the weight and Walter took the brunt of the bruising and gashing.  We both stood up immediately, while Walter pushed at the quad.  It was on its side.  He righted it.  Then we took stock of our injuries.  Walter's knee and elbow were bleeding.  I could feel a soreness on my right knee/leg/backside.  With both of us wearing helmets, we didn't feel any issues with our heads.  

Adrenaline does crazy things!  I decided to run up the rest of the hill to see how far and what kind of crest it would have been.  It got steeper and I'm glad we didn't attempt to go all the way up!  Whew!

Meanwhile, Walter was manoevering the quad to get back onto the trail.  It tipped again, but stopped by the bushes.  Walter had to ride on the side, holding the throttle with his right hand and standing on the right running board.  He had done that type of move with snow machines back in the day to get out of deep snow.  It worked to get across the slope and onto the flatter part of the trail.

I'm glad we hopped back on and rode down the trail so quick.  Later, I would feel fear grip me but I didn't want to lose my nerve and forfeit some fun adventures in the future.  I am pretty sure we won't be seeking any more mountain climbing thrills anytime soon!

Once we got back to our cabin, we took a closer look at the machine.  It had some damage to the front grill/bars that Walter was able to fix with the help of the winch and a tree!  The plastic had popped out of place, but soon popped back once the bars were corrected.  The first aid kit came out and I washed up Walter's scrapes and sprayed antiseptic on his wounds.  That stung worse than the initial injuries!  I got away with pretty mild bruises and some soreness on my right shoulder.  The Lord was looking out for us.

Another first for us was to try the "Disc Golf" course near the beach.  We grabbed two frisbees from the random stuff at the cabin and played the nine holes.  It was fun!  Walter beat me quite handily; he thinks I let him win, but I am competitive enough that I wouldn't do that.  I'm already thinking through how to throw better and work on my technique so that next time, he won't be quite so comfortable!

We have a few more days off at home.  Back to civilization, running water, Keurig coffee and yes, cell phone service and the internet!

 Two Farewells, a 50th Anniversary and an Engagement

The past two months have held some special moments for Walter and me.

Our long time friends and coworkers stepped down from their leadership/pastoral role at Healing Hearts Ministry.  For 23 years, Bob and Gwen Lydiate served as co-pastors in our Regina church.  Our kids grew up together with theirs.  From baptisms, weddings and funerals to Hallowe'en parties and New Years' Eve celebrations, we shared in so many ministry moments.  

Their final service was held outdoors on a beautifully hot Sunday morning.  Bob led in worship, sharing some favourite songs that he either wrote or introduced to Healing Hearts.  He also preached from Isaiah 61, sharing the call of Jesus Christ (as He quoted this passage in the Gospel of Luke).  Just as Jesus' ministry was to proclaim the Good News, to heal and set free, Bob and Gwen still feel very much that they are to continue that focus even though they will no longer serve in full time pastoral ministry. They see Healing Hearts as a vital ministry within north central Regina and encouraged the flock to carry on reaching out to the wounded in the community.  They served cold drinks and packaged snacks - wishing we could have had a meal to share in this day.

A couple of speeches were given in appreciation and a lovely star blanket was presented to them.  The Board and leadership gathered to pray over and bless this faithful couple into the next season of their lives.  I know it was an emotional day for them and for those of us who have known and served alongside them.  Farewells are difficult but God's grace is there for these occasions.

On July 11, Healing Hearts gave us a "second farewell", which Caylea affectionately called our "memorial"!!!  The afternoon was a scorcher so we met indoors.  It was special to have a nice gathering of folks to wish us well and to honour our years of serving as founders and leaders in Healing Hearts Ministry for 27 years.  some nice speeches were given and a special prayer, as well as a star blanket was draped over us!  (The first farewell was in February, but with the restricted numbers and the service on Facebook Live, they wanted to have a larger gathering to send us off.)  

They had lovely fruit-kabobs, Munchie Mix and a special cake for us - Caylea had chosen a couple old pictures of us for the cake so we had a good laugh!  We felt loved and appreciated as many came to encourage and appreciate us.

The following Friday, we made a quick trip to Alberta to celebrate the 50th Anniversary of NEFC (Native Evangelical Fellowship of Canada).  They had planned a virtual celebration but then with restrictions being lifted, they invited several folks last minute.  It was another super hot day on the prairies.  We arrived at Kikino Metis Settlement and waited until just before 7 pm to enter the already hot church.  

The little NEFC church in Kikino hosted a radio broadcast and Facebook Live of the festivities.  A Native man shared some Gospel songs, and the Director and his wife, Kene & Milly Jackson, also sang several songs.  They all were perspiring so profusely, we were worried someone would pass out!  Walter was also called up to give some words and present a special certificate.  Then one of the co-founders, Bill Jackson, shared a sermon.  Four First Nations men were the originals when NEFC was formed back in 1971 and it was an honour to have met each of them over our years in Native ministry.  It was amazing to hear Bill, in his 80's, share so passionately about his faith and the truth of God's Word.  We were so blessed to be part of this celebration.  It was encouraging to see many First Nations church leaders and church members gather to sing, worship and fellowship together!  May the Lord keep blessing this organization and bring many more First Nations to know Jesus!

And then a real highlight in our lives...our son, Daniel, proposed to his girlfriend, Michaela Klassen, and she said YES!  We are so thankful that God has led in their lives and brought them together!  They haven't set a date for the wedding yet, but are working on the logistics of work/home base once they are a married couple.  Stay tuned for the details!

                                                               Daniel & Michaela

One morning, while refilling my cup during coffee break, I stared out the huge windows of the lodge at Big River Bible Camp.  The camp is situated on the beautiful Delaronde Lake, and when we all arrived for our candidate training a week earlier, the lake was still covered with ice.  But that morning, I couldn't believe my eyes - the ice had completely disappeared and liquid flowed in its place!

Another day, when the temperatures had risen to +28 degrees Celsius, you could almost see and hear the leaves of the aspens literally popping as they burst forth in the spring sunshine!  We took a drive in the countryside and marveled at the handiwork of God.  Seeing that delicate green fringing the slender trees lifted our spirits and filled us with a sense of hope.

What a difference a few days makes!

When the candidates began arriving on May 1, each one came with some expectations, some hopes and some trepidation.  What would they learn?  Would they enjoy the classes?  Would they make friends?  As the days turned into weeks, those who were previously strangers began to develop appreciation for each other. Each morning, we began our day with someone sharing their story, or their testimony of finding Christ and being led into full time ministry.  Through worshiping and praying together, a spiritual bond was also forming. 

Not only through spiritual activities, but through sharing in class, we all grew in knowledge and through veteran missionaries' experiences, learned so much about what a life on the mission field could look like.  As we interacted with the instructors, we grew closer to one another.

Walter challenged the new recruits to prepare and present their 2-minute and 10-minute presentations on their ministry.  As each one overcame fears and shared their hearts, the gentle critiquing by fellow-classmates helped to improve their content and time management.  We saw growth in confidence and graciousness.

As we did a final debrief, we all took turns sharing what had been most impactful of the three week orientation and training.  Some shared about the suicide prevention and intervention seminars.  Others mentioned the impact of learning from First Nations Christians about their culture and traditional religion.  Still others commented on the movies we watched that depicted some of the historic tragedies of residential school and battles to put Indigenous people on reserve land.  

We spent three weeks together, living in close quarters, sharing every meal and working side by side in the dish pit.  We learned together, cried together and prayed together...as a family!  As far as I know, no one fought or had any major conflicts, except the two 3-year-olds had some over-exposure to each other!  But they had a break from each other occasionally and ended up still being friends at the end.

I'm thrilled that we could hold the training in 2021!  Now we have 12 new missionaries equipped, encouraged and empowered to finish building their support teams and begin their active ministries.

What a difference 21 days makes!

 April 30, 2021

The camp property lay waiting in silence.  Tall, leafless trees stood expectantly, reaching to the spring sky to soak in life and light.  Ice covered the lake, only a narrow band of frigid water indicating any melting of winter's hold.  Cabins were clean and ready.  Tables and chairs were arranged in appropriate rows for meals upstairs and for lectures downstairs.  Grocery supplies were stocked.

Now all that was missing were the NCEM missionary candidates!

Walter and I arrived mid-afternoon on May 1.  Our vehicles was loaded with clothing, books, my guitar, mission jackets and shirts and last but not least, our quad!  A couple of the new missionaries had already arrived and were finding their rooms or cabins that would be home for the next three weeks.  We also began to unload the classroom supplies.  And Jason, the camp director and host, pointed out the RV that would be our home away from home.

Because the last Candidate Orientation & Training had been November, 2018, we had two years' worth of new missionaries to orient and train.  When COVID restrictions prevented us from holding our training in 2020, Doris and I took the schedule we had prepared and re-invited the speakers.  On paper, it looked workable!  

Ten people arrived and settled into their accommodations.  Soon, we gathered in the dining hall to share a meal, restaurant-style.  In the weeks ahead, this gathering would be the foundation for building relationships and preparing as warriors for the battle against darkness.  As we shared time in the classroom and in the dish pit, God was equipping each one for their ministries.  

No one was more pleased about the noise and the chaos than Jason.  After over a year of empty cabins and a quiet lodge, Jason was grinning with thanksgiving as he listened to the adults chatting and preschool kids getting acquainted.  

The camp was bustling and our new missionaries were getting their training!  The next three weeks would be pure delight as the silence turned to activity for the Kingdom of God!

 Got a busy week ahead.

Thankful for good weather, quad rides and a wonderful husband to serve alongside in our journey!

Monday - drive up to P.A. (phone interview enroute) and check in at the NCEM office

Tuesday - I speak in chapel 8:30 am; catch up in Personnel office

Wednesday -  Day of Prayer ( I lead worship; Walter preaches) then office/prepare for next day

Thursday - Executive Team Monthly Meeting (10-2), including a Zoom interview)  then Annual General Meeting via Zoom for NCEM (4 pm)

Friday - On our way home...may make a stop to see some students we know and do a little low-level recruiting

Saturday - Birthday celebration for Daniel (turning 29) by smoking a brisket!!!

Sunday - Lead worship at Balgonie Baptist Church

When I look at the whole week, I get overwhelmed.  But "My God shall supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 4:19)  So I praise the Lord that I don't have to do this week on my own strength or by my own wisdom.  He will supply!

May the Lord bless you, too, whatever your next seven days hold!

 Some highlights in the past couple of months:

*one new missionary couple accepted to NCEM

*inquiries, interns and volunteers are signing up for service due to the promo video

*my mom, Charlotte, turned 75 in March, and my sister Paula, turned 50!

*My role as Personnel Coordinator expanded as our previous candidate coordinator has resigned from the ministry - so now I have the exciting privilege of processing and interviewing applicants to NCEM

*Walter and I are now attending Balgonie Baptist Church

*We have stepped down from leadership of Healing Hearts Ministries to focus on NCEM

*Walter's health is pretty good; tests eliminated heart issues and his changed diet has changed him from pre-diabetic to "normal"; his prostate cancer is being actively monitored and is slow-growing

I am amazed at how God is at work in us.  Our circumstances have been very challenging and full of huge changes.  My emotions have been all over the map but God is my Rock!  

My next writing project?  It is entitled "Why Worship?" and I am excited to write and express some very cool things I am learning about God.  Maybe that's why I have neglected this blog...but I also want to update people on our lives so THANK YOU for following.  

This weekend, I am participating in a Virtual Ladies Retreat, hosted by my daughter, Caylea, co-missionaries Cheryl & Joni.  It has been a blast!  It was my privilege to lead some worship but mostly to sit back and receive.  The little goodie bags, the workbook for the speaker, Grace Fox and the break-out discussion & prayer time has all been pure delight.  I am feeling full and blessed.

Have a wonderful weekend!

God is at work!

Last Monday Caylea put a fun video up on Facebook - HELP WANTED!  Lots of views, lots of comments and lots of shares.  

Several inquiries have come in.  Andrew, Doris and I have the privilege of being the initial connection to NCEM.  Such a variety of people were intrigued by the skit showing our young interns trying to fill in for the office staff and were found to be lacking in skill and experience.  So Caylea, the ever-present spy, constantly catches them in their inadequacies, and reports to Jason, her actual boss and also the direct supervisor for the interns!  It's hilarious!  And it is getting attention...

God is using Caylea's ministry in Social Media, and using my 30+ years of ministry experience to draw labourers into His harvest field.  Working with my daughter is pure joy!

God uses more than one of us to accomplish His will.  It isn't just Caylea, or the talented interns, or the head of PR...it is all of us!  And He loves it when we can work together in unity.

"Lord of the harvest, place Your fire in me; servant You need now, servant I will be.  Give me the eyes of Your Spirit, Your heart of compassion to know - Lord of the harvest, show me where to go!"  by the Imperials

 We seriously do need HELP at the NCEM office:  in bookkeeping, administration and IT in particular.  If you are looking to be involved in serving in missions but never thought of your skillset as being needed on the mission field, contact me!  Maybe YOU are the one we've been praying for!

 How's everybody doing?

I can thankfully say that I am doing well.  God has given us so much grace these days and I know I am blessed!

Walter had an angiogram last Friday and the good news is nothing is wrong with his heart that they can detect.  The extra heartbeat doesn't seem to be an issue of concern.  There was no need for stents so he was able to come home the same afternoon.  And so it seems that any heart issues have been eliminated from Walter's health journey!  Praise the Lord!

During this journey, we have felt very supported and encouraged by folks checking in and saying they are praying for us.  If we are so loved and cared for, then that is the best of blessings I can think of!

Also in the past week, we have lost a couple of men who were special.  Walter's Uncle Ossie passed away after a battle with illness for just over a year.  So with sadness but also with gratefulness, we rejoice that Uncle Ossie's battle is over and he is with the Lord, and his wife Auntie Evie. The second man we say good-bye to is Ed Cooper, a dear coworker whom we served with while we were missionaries with NAIM.  He passed away from a brain aneurysm, so he went quickly.  He leaves behind a dear wife, Diane, a son and daughter and grandkids, plus a legacy of faithfulness to Christ.  We watched the funeral service online and felt so privileged to have known such a man.

Our kids are doing well, facing the normal challenges of young adulthood.  Figuring out career, ministry, relationships and finances.  We are so thankful that they seek the Lord in everything they do and they make us proud.  Hanging out with our kids is our greatest joy and yet...being empty nesters is a blessed stage of life!

Every week is a new adventure.  I know that the Lord will go before us.

 Here's what's on my heart...

I'm feeling a sense of urgency these days.  We are living through a world-wide pandemic.  The United States are having an ugly transition between presidents.  Racial tensions are intensifying, not healing.  Restrictions are affecting worship gatherings and people are divided on their responses.  

My response is "What should I be doing?"  I'm not one to sit back while others are acting, engaging and making a difference.  As I've been praying about the times we are living in, I feel like I have a two-pronged approach.

First, I need to prepare my heart for what we are living in and what is to come.  I'm upping my Bible reading and prayer. I've been working on memorizing scriptures, not my strong point! And I am trying to listen to the voice of the Lord, obey what He's showing me and prompting me to do.  If I think of someone, I send up a prayer for them and text or message them.  I just want to draw closer to my Saviour and be sensitive to what He's wanting me to do.

Second, I feel I should study and share teaching on "Being Prepared", using Facebook Live.  I see lots of folks on social media and I'm hoping some who need hope and direction will be impacted by the messages God is laying on my heart.  I want to let people know how to be prepared for the times that are ahead...the end times.  The first message was on being personally prepared for the return of Jesus Christ.  So I'm praying that those who need it will listen and call on the Name of Jesus for salvation.

The next messages aren't clear yet but usually the Lord gives me some practical things. I want to help people know Jesus and live victoriously.  We could see tough times ahead and having a strong foundation of faith will be what helps us make it through!

Psalm 46:1 is a verse that caught my attention this past week.  "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."  Every word in this short verse had special significance to me.  I feel like this scripture will be something I hang on to in the coming days.

I believe the end times are upon us and the sense of urgency to let others know they need to make peace with God before His Son returns is rising in me!  I need boldness and courage - which makes sense as the verse that I have for the New Year is Joshua 1:9 - "Be strong and courageous...."  

Well, that's my heart.  Lord, use me as You will.

I can't believe the holidays are over!

Although I always gear up for the gatherings, this year was much easier to prepare for and quieter in general.  Rather than riding the roller coaster of emotions and crashing hard when it is all over, I have found peace in accepting what is.  It was pure joy to eat goodies, watch  movies, go for a walk on Christmas Day and ring in the New Year (we actually made it until midnight)!  And when it was all over, I poured my feelings into cleaning up and physically expending that emotional energy!  It was a beautiful holiday and I am so grateful for our family celebrations.

Some big changes are coming our way in 2021.  As of December 31, 2020, Walter and I are no longer directing Healing Hearts Ministries.  A couple of months ago, it was becoming apparent that we could not carry the load of the two mission organizations for much longer.  And as we did not feel our time with NCEM was nearing completion but would need our energies and focus, we felt it only fair to allow the Board and staff of Healing Hearts to be free to find a new director and/or a new direction for their future.  

A heart-wrenching decision!  We shed many tears in the realization that the 26 years we had poured our lives into something we had started was now going to be moving in a direction without us!  Just like letting our kids grow up and become adults, we needed to let go of HHM.  Over the years it has been a grieving process to let go of leadership in the local church in Regina.  Gradually, our role with NCEM took us away from the travel and relationships with all the staff serving in the prairie provinces.  And now, we are going to help the transitional director learn the ropes and carry HHM into the next season of the ministry.

My own personal goals this year are small and simple.  I want to do a writing project.  I can do that with or without COVID-19 restrictions.  And I want to continue working on my dollhouse.  Shingles, windows and finishing touches are all waiting for my attention.  Thirdly, I would like to record the Christmas songs I've written over the years.  Walter figures he can find the right software and record at home.  And when I say "goals", I mean desires that I will seek to fulfill but not feel pressured to accomplish in a "do or die" fashion!  

Even as I have sought to experience and display peace this Christmas season, I also have been intentional about proclaiming hope!  When doing a couple of Facebook Live sessions, I have shared songs and Bible verses about the hope we have in Christ alone.  The world situation is scary and not very stable these days.  Who knows how long this virus will affect us all?  And only God is the perfect leader whom we can trust to bring order into our chaos!  More than ever, we as Christians have the opportunity to share the Gospel and pray like never before for the lost to find hope and peace through Jesus Christ.  

I have felt a bit unsettled with the upcoming changes in our ministry and the Lord has been faithful to give me promises for this time in my life:

Joshua 1:9 ~ "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Deuteronomy 31:6 & 8 ~ "Be strong and courageous.  Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you.  He will not leave you or forsake you. ... It is the Lord who goes before you.  He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed."

Wow!  Those verses came up in my devotional readings at just the right time!  If Joshua needed these words to encourage and direct him, I can claim them for my own, as well.  And He needed repetition; I won't be ashamed to need to hear these words more than once!

God is with us!  God goes before us!  

And to add a New Testament promise about the mighty and omnipotent God we serve, Romans 8:31 is a huge comfort to me.  "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Family and friends, I wish you a BLESSED NEW YEAR and may you have peace and hope in Christ wherever He leads you!