New life motto:  home is where the suitcase is!
After a full week in the Maritimes, I am again in the place of tiredness and thankfulness.  We slept in our own bed for 3 nights and here we are again in Prince Albert. So, we are "home" here now at our suite at the NCEM headquarters.
Walter had meetings booked this afternoon and had an agenda to prepare for his monthly Executive meeting tomorrow.  He is energized by the progress being made and the developing of leadership and team.  Where he could be physically tired from travel and the engagement with people on our time in New Brunswick, instead he seems more enthusiastic and energetic than I've seen him a a while!
Yes, I am physically tired.  Sleeping in different beds does take some adjusting.  And I am thankful for the good rest I did get over most of this past trip.  I was a bit drained from the emotional energy it took to connect with so many people and often to discuss some deep and intense issues.  But again, my heart is so grateful for the grace God gives me when I am in the moment.
It's almost like a tug'o'war.
I am torn between the longing to be home and have routine.  I feel the pull of Healing Hearts as our base and where I feel free to be "me."  Yet, I enjoy the adventure of the new relationships and the opportunity to minister hope and encouragement to dear servants of God.
On our trips, I am feeling more comfortable as I have input and can engage.  There is more clarity as to my role or calling as we connect with staff.  At the office, I feel less sure of myself, my usefulness and how I fit.  That aspect of our ministry is less defined for me because I so not have a title or specific role" in quite the same way Walter does.  So I am still fishing for that sweet spot.
Sunday morning, our intern at Healing Hearts Regina, Jordan, preached the sermon.  He spoke on the struggles in the Christian walk, and the expectation to be Christ-like but the battle to be consistent.  He shared a few Scriptures about the cost of following Jesus and the necessity to leave behind childish ways.  He emphasized the need to acknowledge our need for the Holy Spirit to be our sufficiency, because we can never be sufficient in ourselves!
This hit me!  I was at that place this weekend where I was so lacking in strength and felt unable to muster up the desire to drive 4 hours to the office again...I doubted the need for me to be there and that surely Walter didn't really require me for what he was doing this next week!  But the verse that really spoke to me was in 2 Corinthians 3:4-6.
"Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves...but our adequacy is from God,  who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant..."
If I am confident of God's call - which I am, and I am promised the adequacy for the task - through Christ, then I can step out by faith that God will encourage and equip me when I feel weak.
I don't want to resent my suitcase; I want to embrace my inadequacy so that God will be praised because it will be so obvious He is my strength!

I had lunch with my daughter yesterday - at Fuddrucker's!  It was a great mother-daughter date and I am so thankful for our conversation.  It got me thinking.  And God got me thinking, as well.
Now I am not saying that we dwelt on the negatives.
Our conversation did lead to the trials our family is going through, each of us to some degree at this time.  Mark and Amy are seeking God's path for their future and things haven't exactly turned out the way they had planned.  Her brother's sudden passing  and the closure of the ministry program they had been part of have changed the course of their life plans.
Daniel just found out he has a torn "labrum" - we all have them in our shoulders!  He will need surgery on his left shoulder, which will affect his work,  curling and plans to maybe buy a house.
Caylea's life was interrupted by cancer - and these treatments are a trial that seems so long!
Walter and I aren't specifically facing a trial, but as our children face their adult decisions and deal with obstacles, we feel it!  Our new ministry direction has its joys and its challenges-we need the Lord every moment as we face the newness of uncharted territory.
As I was getting ready for bed last evening, I turned to the next devotional reading and it was entitled "Being Prepared for the Worst of Trials".  Hmmm, is there a theme here?  The Scripture passage was in I Peter 5 and I read it with great interest.  The words seemed to jump out on the page right at me!
"And after you have suffered a little while.." (verse 10)
I think Caylea and I were battling with the "how long?" question and the self-pity could have become the main course of our lunch!  This Scripture reminded me of God's perspective.  Our suffering on earth is just for "a little while."  Eternity is around the corner and we will no longer endure the trials of the human experience.
"...the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ,.." God is full of grace and has called each of us to an eternity where we will be glorified just as Jesus Christ has been glorified.  We are promised eternal life; we are promised new bodies that will never die.  There will be no sorrow, no tears, no pain in our heavenly home.  But before we set our sights on that future glory, God is the God of ALL grace.  His grace is sufficient for all we are enduring.
"...will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."  The perspective that God has a purpose for our suffering and is personally involved to restore, to confirm, to strengthen and to establish you and me is an incredible promise!
I read that last night.  This morning, I woke early and wanted to connect with the Lord before a busy day and the anticipation of a week-long trip away from home.  I turned to Proverbs 16, which is where my morning readings have been.  And what do I read?
"Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established." (verse 3)
"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (verse 9)
"The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord." (verse 33)
This just confirmed to me God's sovereignty over our lives and all that we are going through.  He establishes.  None of our sufferings are a waste, or a mistake in God's purposes.  I felt such reassurance that God is in control and we can trust Him fully and completely.
Our family is in His hands.

Two Weeks!!!!!
We ran into our front door, avoiding the downpour but needing to bring our luggage in!  It was good to be home after two weeks away and I felt almost teary to hug our kids and receive their Mother's Day gifts.  Although the unpacking of two weeks' worth of luggage and odds and ends was a daunting task, I was so happy to be home again!
Our travels took us to Prince Albert, Lac Vert, Lloydminister, Spruce Grove and Rivers' Edge Retreat Centre near Calgary.  Then back through Saskatoon and to the office in Prince Albert again.  We visited some dear retired NCEM missionaries, and also some former and currently active NCEM staff.  It seems God has blessed us with rich opportunities and we have been well-received.  As we listen to stories and experiences of these missionaries, we are gaining insight and hopefully applying it as wisdom in our role as director.
Then at the retreat centre, we had met with leaders from various native ministries and again, a rich time collecting wisdom from others.  Each leader shared a report on their ministry and how their organization is doing.  From Siberia and Mongolia to regions in South America, these groups were impacting indigenous peoples for Christ over such a broad geographical expanse!  When you get these kind of workers and leaders together, the tales are funny and sometimes tragic, but always enthralling to some of us "younger" ones in leadership.
Two themes that stuck out to us in the mission reports was the focus on discipling and the need for member care.  These are passions of our heart as well.  Disciple-making, with the intentional focus on raising Christian leaders who will form and lead churches.  And those churches may look like house Bible studies or fellowship groups that meet semi-regularly.  And member care, not just when crises hit and missionary families are in dire straits, but as ongoing, preventative care to sustain our staff for the long haul.
We returned to the office in P.A. and of course there is always lots to catch up on...I mail out birthday and anniversary cards to the staff of both our organizations and I write up brief reports on our visits and travel.  I also prepared for the "Ladies Staff Retreat" to be held at Silver Birch Bible Camp near Loon Lake, SK this weekend.  I shared on "Permission to Rest" and led a communion time on Sunday morning, using Psalm 23 as the basis.
A group of 5 ladies including myself, went from P.A. area.  Three other women participated from other areas and we had an intimate time of sharing, fun and a lot of eating at the retreat!  Joni, our HHM missionary from Loon Lake, had the vision for a time of rest for missionary and pastor women.  She planned the majority of the weekend's activities and I organized the meals and two messages.  God really met us.  We want to try it again next year, not on Mother's Day weekend!  And hopefully it won't rain next time - although we did manage some outdoor activities and even a fire, in spite of soggy wood!
Home again...to regroup and rest.  Walter has a few administrative things to tend to for HHM, and I hope we can see "Guardians of the Galaxy 2" tomorrow evening as a family!
Then we prepare for a week-long trip to the Maritimes to visit our NCEM staff in New Brunswick and Nova Scotia.
Thanks for praying for us and for following our journeys across Canada.

Review by Cindy M. Selke on Reflections by Spurgeon Root

The paperback book looked like an easy read.  Under two hundred pages should be a weekend’s worth of entertainment, or so I thought.  I underestimated the size of the book and the depth of the title.

Reflections is subtitled, “An Anthology of Power, Pain and Mourning” and no, the subject matter is not light or fluffy.  The four short stories build from the fictional and fantastical to the ferociously raw and real.  Let me begin the review with “The Way of Cain”.

In this short story, the main character is a hard-core gang member just released.  Not from a prison - for the crimes he committed - but from a mental institution.  “Adder”, also known as Jason, is a changed man.  The author brings the element of the fantastic to express the adjustment this “Demon” turned-normal guy faces re-entering society.  

As Adder discovers who he really is once he chooses to leave his old life, he comes face to face with his past, his crimes, his regrets and his true identity.  The persona one expects in a biker reveals someone too large for the real world, but the gentler “other world” has a surprising power that impacts the protagonist in this tale.  

“The Human Potential Movement” would definitely not be my genre of choice, but I am very glad I had the opportunity to delve.  As the opening scenes set the tone, I had the feeling I was watching a Marvel Comics movie.  The plot develops with the mad scientist character and the assistant with a conscience.  However, I was not sure of the cartoon “happy ending” as the powers of darkness truly seemed to overwhelm any wholesome or holy attempts to right them.  The “Institute of DNA Experimentation and Adaptation” - maybe not so clearly identified as I.D.E.A. throughout the remainder of the piece - becomes a hellish stage playing out the ultimate ends of good and evil.  The injections given the child subjects enhances not only the expected physical and mental capacities, but develop the spiritual DNA these children had from their parents.  Even those removed from their families at infancy had spiritual roots that were incredulously intact.  A fascinating premise which the author probes creatively, he concludes with a satisfactory resolution, although a predictable twist if one is familiar with biblical themes.

The third installment in the anthology is entitled “Bars”, and I was drawn in by the prison scenario.  Knowing the author personally, and his extensive experience behind bars in jail ministry, I immediately connected.  “Worm” is a tortured inmate.  I had hope for him when the young and compassionate guard sought to help relieve this poor incarcerated soul from his suffering.  The reader’s senses are heightened with the detailed descriptions of the old and new sections of the correctional facility - a very real place just north of where I live.  The “Hole” is especially dank and freaky; the author painted the picture!

Without revealing the best parts of the story, I will say that the author expresses a disturbing reality that those who seek to help the criminal element face great opposition.  Those who ought to have more compassion and those who should want to see change for the good of society are often those who refuse to support effective strategies for rehabilitation.  The author has captured this theme and the pain of the chaplaincy in bringing hope and change to the darkest places. An excerpt from Root’s own journal writings portrays a gut-wrenching prologue.

In reading the final portion, “Blessed are those who mourn”, I had to give myself a bit of a breather.  I knew this short story was written in response to the previous piece and I had to prepare my own heart for more.

The violence and destruction in the opening scenes and the mystery figure who shows up throughout the story, builds suspense in a most terrifying way.  Having some understanding of the trauma of war set the stage for the doctor’s civilian experience on returning home.  I was both enthralled and appalled with the description of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). In developing the characters, the author has used tremendous skill and understanding.  And humour - I enjoyed the ironies!

As the Mennonite doctor from a pacifist upbringing returns from war, he must reconcile his experience with his faith heritage and asks God, “Where were YOU?”  How the mystery figures works into this journey of discovery is well-woven.  And how the female character of Katrina is similar in her responses to Dr. Nick as Delcia is to Adder in the first story, brings the anthology full circle.

Reflections is an exploration of so much more than the power, pain and mourning Root opens up in these four pieces of writing.  I invite you to pick up a copy and discover a bit about the author himself and perhaps even a glimpse at your own soul in the process...

We drove along the too-familiar route from Parkridge through to the Pasqua Hospital.  Following Dewdney Avenue from east to west across the city, the car almost knew the way without my navigation.  Caylea didn't say much as we pulled in the driveway and I dropped her off at the entrance.  We had the routine down:  I drop her off, she registers at the desk, I find a parking spot and meet her in the waiting room.
As I entered the automatic sliding doors of the hospital, I passed by the hand sanitizer stand, the Ladies Hospital Auxiliary table, the Information booth and then through an archway to the Allan Blair Cancer Centre.  Another set of sliding doors and I passed by the reception desk to the waiting room for doctor appointments.  To the right was the way to the chemotherapy ward.  The chairs in that waiting area were empty for a change.  Must have been between early morning patients and the later group of which Caylea had been a part.
Sipping from her ever-present water bottle, Caylea looked better today than the day before.  Her hair was pulled in a loose bun, she sat a little straighter and her eyes were brighter.  The day before, Tuesday, had been a rough one.  The Tylenol just didn't touch the constant headache; she forced herself to eat but wasn't all that hungry.  But today, the side effects of her Interferon shot were subsiding and she could function more normally.
"Caylea", a nurse holding a folder called out her name, and pronounced it right this time.  We rose simultaneously from our seats and followed the nurse to the empty examining room.  First, we stopped at the weigh scale.  Caylea's weight was consistent with her pre-treatment weight.  Then we sat in the room and the nurse pulled up a stool.
After asking the questions we had compiled a list of, the nurse gave a few answers and then told us to wait for the doctor.  A few minutes later, a round man of eastern European ancestry, came in the room.  His first sentence was barely understandable and I responded with what I hoped was the right answer.  He was filling in for Dr. Iqbal, Caylea's oncologist.  He asked Caylea how she was.  She answered in mostly an affirmative way.  Then he said," So you want to quit the treatment?|
Caylea and I looked at each other with slight shock, then Caylea replied, "Well, yeah, but I don't think I should!"    The rest of the appointment went sort of like that.  We asked questions, but he gave vague or inconclusive answers.  It was clear he wasn't as knowledgeable on the Interferon treatments and her bloodwork hadn't arrived from the lab so he had very little but the file to go on...
It was decided that Caylea would see Dr. Iqbal in a month's time and find out more concrete information, especially on the subject of travel during her time on the treatments.
We left the office, both feeling this had been somewhat of a waste of time.  But she stopped by the pharmacy to ask about suggestions for something to help her fall and stay asleep.  We left there feeling she had some practical advice and could find things we needed with a trip to Walmart.
On the way back towards home, it was good to hear Caylea express how she was feeling.  Realizing this Interferon treatment is hard.  It is a whole year!  She had compared to others in the chemo ward and thought they must have it harder than she does.  And she felt weird, getting in the car and smelling the familiar car freshener - one of her Scentsy products - and the sensations and memories returned of getting in the car after her IV treatments back in the fall, blanket pulled up and feeling chills and headache, longing to go home...
I wanted to tell her it was going to get easier, that six months would go by fast, that she would have a life after this journey was over.  All I could do was agree, yes, this IS a long and hard journey!  You are doing well and you have been strong and amazing!  That many older melanoma patients on Interferon do not make it the entire one year...but you are young and healthy and we will support you for as long as it takes.
I am glad to be with her as she opens up and shows her heart.  The tough exterior and quiet ways are sometimes how she copes.  As we gather our new supply of items to cope with side effects, and then she walks in the house and immediately finds a recliner and blanket to curl up in, I see the exhaustion.  Even on a good day, its still sucking the energy and life out of our girl!

Romans 12:12 is a verse that spoke to me today as I pondered the appointment of yesterday.
 "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." 
That's all I can do.  It's the most I can do.

Praying for wisdom is not a new thing for me.
Memorizing the book of James when I was in youth group imprinted on my mind the necessary to ask God for wisdom.  James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all..."
Reading through Proverbs is not new to me at all, either.
I have read the book of wisdom several times in my Christian life and continue to learn from it every time.  Studying it in Bible College reinforced that becoming wise begins with "The fear of the Lord", not just a book learning of wise says.
Some new gems I have learned reading through Proverbs recently have stirred me up!
I see how urgent Solomon was in sharing these words with his son.  Chapter 1 verse 8 says, "Hear my son...and forsake not... My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent."  The advice he gives is vital to his son's success in life as an adult.  It is apparent that Solomon wants to spare his son from the consequences of a foolish life.
Wisdom is learned by turning away from sin.  Proverbs 1:23 states, "If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you."  The Lord will give understanding of His Word by His Spirit as we respond in repentance to correction or reproof.  It is simple;  it is not necessarily the easy path to wisdom!  It involves engagement of the whole person.
In Chapter 2, I gained a new realization that seeking wisdom is not only to gain knowledge for its own sake, but to "find the knowledge of God."  It is to KNOW Him, the giver of this wonderful wisdom.  And in knowing God, we are protected.  Verse 7b reveals that "He is a shield to those who walk in integrity."  Living a life following God's wisdom will guard us and will deliver us from the way of evil (verse 12).
Thinking of this advice in the light of eastern culture, a strong honour and shame worldview, I see how one's reputation and place in society matters deeply.  To be known as evil, perverse, unjust and unrighteous was not acceptable.  And especially in the Jewish culture and heritage, to "walk in the way of the good and keep to the paths of the righteous" was a high honour.  (verse 20)
This morning, I read the first 12 verses of Chapter 3 and immediately noticed the word "heart" 3 times!  "My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments..."  Having wisdom is a heart thing, not a behaviour thing.  Having God's wisdom means having a character of integrity, right down to heart level.  "...write them on the tablet of your heart."  And finally, do not attempt to live your life on your own terms, with your own efforts.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart..." fully lean on His understanding, His truth.
I got excited when I read those verses before church.  This is the essence of Healing Hearts Ministry: to see the very heart of every person be set free and filled with God's presence.  Having trust restored and keeping God's commandments with a healthy, healed heart is such a joy!
I can't wait to see what more the book of Proverbs will show me in the weeks to come...

Last night, a dozen of us gathered in the youth room for a meeting.  Now, we at Healing Hearts are not big on meetings, or long, drawn out sessions for the sake of procedure.  This was a very purposeful get together.  And I came away so very proud of our team and thankful for God's amazing works in us!
As Walter and I have taken on the additional role of directing NCEM, we had full intentions of spending about 75% of our time with our new responsibilities and about 25% with administrative duties and member care in Healing Hearts.  It has become apparent, the time split is more like 90% and 10%!
Debbie Matthews, one of our missionaries in Nipawin, was very interested in how we could maintain our level of member care to our HHM staff as it would be impossible for Walter and myself to continue at the pace we had been trying keep.  She had great ideas and a compassionate burden for this area so Walter said, "Go for it!  Come up with a member care strategy that you think could work!"
So Debbie and her husband, Ken, developed a plan.  The chairman of HHM, Cliff Reynolds and his wife Cheryl, also took on the role of directing this aspect of the ministry.  So last night, those of us who have been asked to take on a group of no more than 4 couples to visit and care for,  met to pray and learn what we are aiming for in terms of healthy member care.
Cliff led us through scriptures that laid out a solid foundation.  Matthew 9:9-13 is the passage where Jesus calls Matthew from tax collecting to  Christ following.  As He shared a meal in Matthew's home, the Pharisees made note and questioned the disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?"  Jesus interjected with the response, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.  Go and learn what this means, "I desire mercy and not sacrifice..."  The Lord is all about mercy and not rules and regulations.  He cares.
The account of Matthew's Gospel later records in chapter 9 that Jesus was traveling through the various communities.  As He came upon crowds of people, He saw the needs.  He saw the lostness and helplessness of the sheep and "He had compassion for them." (v. 36)  Jesus has compassion on all humanity.  His heart is for shepherding the sheep.
Cliff gave us such a clear basis for our member care ministries to one another.  We are to care and show compassion.  We are to listen and encourage, to uphold and affirm.  Most missionaries are not needing to be told what to do or what they are doing wrong.  Sometimes we need a little direction or problem-solving.  But most of the time, we need to be listened to, empathized with and supported.  And so many of us need to be reminded to take our days off and to get away for some regular R & R. Along with some interactions, suggestions and a few comments, our team was then equipped with a list of pointed and spiritually intentional questions.  We want to engage our missionaries at a deeper level, not just a quick "How are you?"  And then we brainstormed a little on resources for those who may need to address burn out or other issues that may come up in our conversations.  
I was so encouraged to see our team stepping up in the gap Walter and I have left, to fill in a need.  To see the value of good member care being improved and grown to more than what we could ever provide just blessed my heart!
We closed by breaking into small groups for prayer for one another and the launching of this new strategy.  Some were already meeting with their missionary couples and I was impressed with the intentionality of our team.  "Git 'er done!"  Don't wait for someone else...let's serve one another.
Cliff also reminded us that each of our care team will approach things differently and not to compare or worry about those differences.  Romans 12:6a "Having gifts that differ according to the grace give to us, let us use them..."  And I think we each left the meeting feeling empowered to do this, with the Lord's help, and with confidence that He will give us all we need.
PRAISE THE LORD!