I am learning more about faith and trust than I thought possible.
Just when I think I have been tested and know God has carried me through, we go through more challenges and deeper testings.  And I am learning that God goes deeper still.
On Sunday morning, the youth pastor leading the "Evidence" team from Calvary Memorial Church in Racine, Wisconsin, shared the opening in our service at Healing Hearts in Regina.  He has only been to our worship services once each summer for the past 7 or 8 years so Pastor Ethan isn't all that familiar with how our openings usually go...but that doesn't matter.
I heard God in that opening.
Pastor Ethan asked us the question:  which attribute about God is the most important or basic to His nature that makes Him God?  We all contributed answers like love, tenderness, mercy, forgiveness, justice, holiness...and these are all qualities that are godly and true.  But the underlying attribute he wanted to bring forth was God's "Immutability", that He never changes.  I hadn't thought about that in terms of how every other attribute would not remain true about the Lord if He changed.  If He was like the humans He created, He would change His mind, change His moods, change His actions and directions.  We could never really know Him or trust Him if He was in constant states of change!
The undeniable truth is that God is always loving, always tender, always merciful, always forgiving, consistently just and holy.  He will never be the opposite.  God is the same, always.
     *****          *****          *****
I didn't know how hard today would be.  On the way across town following Dewdney Avenue from the east end to the west, I felt almost sick to my stomach with nervousness.  What would we learn at the cancer clinic today that was any different than the information we have already heard?  I couldn't explain my  anxiety at this appointment;  we hoped to find out more details and a date as to when Caylea's treatments would start.
As the date was set for August 15 and the oncologist and nurse gave us more specifics about the treatments and especially the side effects, I felt floored.  Walter, too, was blown away by the less than perfect success rate of the Interferon treatment regimen.  It is still a new treatment and Caylea is not in the average age or health bracket of the statistics.  So we left the office feeling somewhat relieved to have dates; we also felt more overwhelmed at the first month's challenges and the subsequent year-long journey.
We got home and Caylea had things to do to prepare for a wedding this coming weekend.  She had been tearful when we had been alone in the oncologist's office, but overall, she said she was relieved to get going soon with the treatments.  She just wasn't looking forward to feeling sick for a prolonged period of time!  I totally don't blame her!
While she was occupied with her stuff, Walter and I were in shock and trying to recover.  I sent e-mail updates and made phone calls.  Walter worked in his garage.
Here I am now at the end of the day, taking time to reflect, and I am struck that God can do this!  He is Almighty God, El Shaddai.  To quote an author of a Bible devotional,
"What if God were good but weak?  Beautiful but powerless?  He might want to bless us but be unable to.  Wouldn't this God of good intentions be a bit pathetic?  Would any of us fall on our faces before Him like Abraham did when God revealed Himself as El Shadday?  Would we even bother to pray to such a God?"  ~  Ann Spangler
So our God is unchangeable.  He is all-powerful, Almighty, full of love and mercy!  He can bless us!  He is the same God whom Abraham bowed before, whom Moses met on the mountain, whom Jesus called upon in His darkest hours.
I needed those words Pastor Ethan shared yesterday morning.  I needed them today.
I will hold on to them as we anticipate August 15.