Day of rest.
I am so relieved to just have a day of worship, rest, eating leftovers and not have any responsibilities.
At church this morning, it was nice to receive ministry, to sing and praise.  I found myself in tears by the end of the music, sitting down and just listening to the words of the song "Surrender".  Pastor Bob had shared how surrendering to Christ is the laying down of our pride.  I realized my emotional place today was partly the struggle with my pride.  I did not want to admit I felt tired, a little worried, weary of the ongoing journey with Caylea's illness and the surgeries and anticipation of treatment for a year!  I sat on the chair in the back corner of our simple sanctuary and surrendered ALL to Jesus.
Wiping my tears, I just let the Lord wash over me with His presence.  It wasn't a big crisis. Walter whispered to me "Are you all right?"  And I replied, "Yep, I think so."  "Just needed a good cry?"  I nodded.
A few minutes later, after the announcements, was our traditional sharing time.  I raised my hand and Edward brought the cordless mike.  Without any practiced speech or prepared Scriptures, I just shared what I was feeling.  I praised the Lord for His answers to prayer for Caylea's surgery and restored health so far.  And I admitted my pride, my desire to be strong as a Mom.  But my very real weakness and weariness and my tears in church!  Bob reflected back to me that it was OK and I was being strong for my daughter.  But being weak is also real strength and I was doing a good job as a Mom. That felt so reassuring.  To be accepted and heard when I felt so unable.
This afternoon, our family is relaxing in the family room, watching baseball and each one of us on a laptop or device.  No need for deep conversation; no expectations to entertain or engage each other.
Just be together.
I read in I Timothy 4 a verse that has stuck with me.  "For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Saviour of all people, especially for those who believe."  I had been thinking of the verse in Psalm 42, referring to seeking the "living God" and looked up other verses using that phrase.  It was no surprise the idea of setting our hope on the Lord, because knowing our God is alive and active and involved means we can have hope.  My heart is lifted as I think of God not slumbering nor sleeping, watching over our every moment of life, He is not an inanimate object, a statue or idol.  He is the giver of life, the Creator of all that exists.  He can give life and heal because He is eternally alive.  The rivers of living water flow from His throne, His presence.
So today as I rest, I will set my hope on the "living God".  He will restore my soul.