I woke up early the other morning, feeling that familiar anxiety that I battle.  I couldn't sleep; my stomach was clenched and tensed. Only one thing would succeed against this spirit of fear and worry...
This may seem weird but I bought myself an adult colouring book back in the spring.  The Christian bookstore on Victoria Avenue had a selection of them.  I chose one that had a page to colour and a page to journal.  It seemed like a good thing to be an outlet for the stress in our journey with Caylea's health and all the unknowns back in May.
On this particular morning, as I sat myself in the window seat of our dining room, I settled in with that colouring book and my Bible.  A fog was blurring my view outside.  It was dawn.
I have found the activity of colouring to be relaxing.  The journal page has a Scripture to focus on and the picture corresponds with that truth. The page on this day was taken from  Psalm 121:2 "My help comes from the Lord..."
As I carefully chose the colour scheme for the ocean scene, I meditated on the words from the Bible.  I prayed for myself and for my family.  I especially asked the Lord to help me process what Caylea is going through.  And I addressed my anxieties about her upcoming Interferon treatments to begin in a few days.  I knew that was the core issue beneath my worries!
I prayed for strength.  I prayed that I could support Caylea as a Mom and be calm and full of peace.  Instead of feeling a rising sense of God's power, I felt that anxiety building and tears forming!  Why wasn't prayer helping?
Then the Bible verse spoke to me - "My help comes from the Lord" - and I realized something I didn't like:  I had the feeling I had to be strong. "I" had to be steadfast and not too emotional or weak!  The Lord showed me what a lie that is!  My help comes from the Lord, not from myself.  I am weak and unable in my own power to be strong for Caylea!
I also realized I was carrying the burden to "be there" for my daughter, when she also has her Daddy, her brothers and sister-in-law, extended family, many good friends and of course, the Lord Himself!
So I confessed my pride, the lie that I was the only one caring for Caylea!  I asked the Lord to forgive me for carrying a burden that wasn't mine.  I asked for the wisdom and understanding to really trust in the Lord and believe He is our hope and strength!  I released Caylea back in the Father's hands - again - and asked for the humility to accept other's help and support as the Lord was providing.
What a freeing moment, to release a burden to the Lord and to know He can be fully counted on to look after everything!  It reminded me of another verse that the Apostle Paul wrote:
2 Timothy 1:12 "Nevertheless I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day."
Yes, I am learning that God is able and will never fail in His responsibilities.

Its funny but when I finished praying and crying, I looked out the window and noticed the clear sky, the view beyond our fence to the field and the oil refinery and dump and jail!  God had cleared the fog outside, just as He cleared the fog in my spirit!
God's got this!