After a full week in the Maritimes, I am again in the place of tiredness and thankfulness. We slept in our own bed for 3 nights and here we are again in Prince Albert. So, we are "home" here now at our suite at the NCEM headquarters.
Walter had meetings booked this afternoon and had an agenda to prepare for his monthly Executive meeting tomorrow. He is energized by the progress being made and the developing of leadership and team. Where he could be physically tired from travel and the engagement with people on our time in New Brunswick, instead he seems more enthusiastic and energetic than I've seen him a a while!
Yes, I am physically tired. Sleeping in different beds does take some adjusting. And I am thankful for the good rest I did get over most of this past trip. I was a bit drained from the emotional energy it took to connect with so many people and often to discuss some deep and intense issues. But again, my heart is so grateful for the grace God gives me when I am in the moment.
It's almost like a tug'o'war.
I am torn between the longing to be home and have routine. I feel the pull of Healing Hearts as our base and where I feel free to be "me." Yet, I enjoy the adventure of the new relationships and the opportunity to minister hope and encouragement to dear servants of God.
On our trips, I am feeling more comfortable as I have input and can engage. There is more clarity as to my role or calling as we connect with staff. At the office, I feel less sure of myself, my usefulness and how I fit. That aspect of our ministry is less defined for me because I so not have a title or specific role" in quite the same way Walter does. So I am still fishing for that sweet spot.
Sunday morning, our intern at Healing Hearts Regina, Jordan, preached the sermon. He spoke on the struggles in the Christian walk, and the expectation to be Christ-like but the battle to be consistent. He shared a few Scriptures about the cost of following Jesus and the necessity to leave behind childish ways. He emphasized the need to acknowledge our need for the Holy Spirit to be our sufficiency, because we can never be sufficient in ourselves!
This hit me! I was at that place this weekend where I was so lacking in strength and felt unable to muster up the desire to drive 4 hours to the office again...I doubted the need for me to be there and that surely Walter didn't really require me for what he was doing this next week! But the verse that really spoke to me was in 2 Corinthians 3:4-6.
"Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves...but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant..."
If I am confident of God's call - which I am, and I am promised the adequacy for the task - through Christ, then I can step out by faith that God will encourage and equip me when I feel weak.
I don't want to resent my suitcase; I want to embrace my inadequacy so that God will be praised because it will be so obvious He is my strength!
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