This recent trip to Alberta and northern Saskatchewan made me aware again how responsible I feel for our home and family and find it difficult to be away. In the previous blog entry, I mentioned our daughter, Caylea's emergency trip and how we agonized over whether to return to Saskatchewan or carry on with our travel itinerary. But behind those factual details, I was really torn and on the verge of tears over being away from Caylea and feeling helpless while she suffered physically and was trying to find medical help. It was a comfort that her brother, Daniel, drove her to the hospital and a couple other friends accompanied them, as well. But its not the same as "Mom" being there.
As Walter and I prayed for her and asked the Lord to show us what to do, I had to struggle through the options with my mind and heart. My mind told me: Caylea is almost 21. Were you still relying on your mother when you were sick? (I couldn't recall being critically sick then!) The logic was that she does need to learn to take care of herself and navigate hospitals and the health care system we have. My heart told me: Caylea is your daughter and she needs you! If this is serious, you need to be there to support, guide and wade through/fight for medical tests and get some action!
I argued with myself that I was a good mother and had been there for her in times of illness. And if it was something requiring surgery or other medical procedures, we would turn around and cancel our appointments. No one would judge us for a family medical emergency!
But another part of our challenge in being on the road this time was that our son, Daniel was leaving for Australia on the Friday. This gave us a week to complete our ministry tour and be home in time to see him off on his journey! Walter and I wrestled with our travel plans and wondered if we had squeezed too much in a week's time. We had 3 communities to visit and one extra travel day to cushion any unforeseen issues. Some tension rose as I again felt the enormity of a mother's pull to care for and send off my son on such a momentous trip. My mind told me: Daniel is 22. He has traveled abroad before and is a competent and confident young man. My heart told me: Daniel is your son and he needs you! This is a big deal to him and he needs that support and loving send off!
I just don't know how many such events need to happen before I will learn to trust. First of all, to trust that we have raised healthy, smart, careful and responsible young adults. They are worlds ahead in life skills and confidence than I was at their ages. And they have cell phones, good friends and family support ~ and they know how to use them!
More importantly, I need to learn to trust God, our Heavenly Father, to take care of our children. Yes, they will always be my kids, even when they have kids of their own someday! But time after time God has watched over them and taken care of their health, finances and safety.
Back when all three of our children were going to be away at Bible camp for a week, I went through this same battle of learning to let go...and trust. I have underlined and dated the verse the Lord gave me: Psalm 28:9b "...be their shepherd and carry them forever." June 28/06 -for our kids-camp. Another similar Scripture has give me hope and comfort when our kids have all been away from home and traveling on our Saskatchewan winter roads: Psalm 121:5a, 7 & 8 "The Lord watches over you...The Lord will keep you from all harm-He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
And yet another verse was a wonderful promise the Lord gave me after our oldest, Mark, had borrowed our van and was picking up a friend from the Winnipeg airport. A bolt had sheered off and the wheel was wobbling dangerously! Mark was able to steer to the side of the road and after a quick call to "Dad", tightened all remaining bolts and made it to their destination safely. Psalm 1:6a "For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous..."
God has assured me numerous times that HE is watching over, looking after and caring for these loved ones. I can trust Him.
I am learning!
No comments:
Post a Comment